Driven Entrepreneur

Gone, but not far

2008-06-13T15:35:00.001-07:00

If you've seen my homepage, you'll notice I've decided to close it down. After two years of attempting a few entrepreneurial endeavors, I've decided I don't want to be an entrepreneur right now. The only venture I ever officially undertook was running my Dad's tax and accounting company, and I learned that I hate not only accounting, but dealing with customers. So that, as well as several other failed business ideas that never even became a legal reality, failed. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

It took me two years to learn that I'm not ready to be an entrepreneur, nor do I even want to be one right now. Instead, I've decided to devote my energies and talents to school. I'd never really left school. I graduated in 2006 with my Bachelors in English Education, a teaching degree, and I continued my studies as a post-bac student for a year focusing on accounting, as my parents suggested, to get into a Master's program in accounting. That worked until December of last year, but because I was never passionate about accounting, I didn't do well. in my International Business class this semester, I got a really low grade, because I just didn't care about what I was studying. And am now teaching middle school at small, private, Islamic school. I enjoy the heck out of it, but I don't want to make it my permanent career. I'm taking a literature class this summer (Chaucer), so I can improve my reading skills and eventually get into some grad program I actually want to be in.

I've enjoyed writing about the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey. I thank David Askaripour for allowing to be a part of Mind Petals, a group of young and ambitious entrepreneurs and for everyone who read my blog, and left comments. I will miss you all, but I won't be far. You can drop me a line at http://perfecshunist.livejournal.com. More power to the young people who are making a difference in this world! Keep it up guys :)

- Mari (short for Mariam)

Bad communication

2007-04-29T19:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't been communicating very well with my clients -- I'm surprised I still have them! Tomorrow's the deadline for three major business reports:

Annual Report
941 - Employee Tax return
UCT-6 State Unemployment Tax Return

And I just informed several clients that they must pay hundreds of dollars for employee taxes etc, by Monday -- some don't have enough money in their accounts and others were caught off guard. I had all of this week to get my business act together since my final final exam was on Tuesday, but I chose leisurely to complete these three major returns -- and I still have a list of UCT-6s to do tomorrow. May God be with me, because I'm not sure I can complete them all by 5. Nothing will happen without His will. I shall pray that everything works out. I can't run the business like my Dad does, whose been doing this son long, he's bored, worn out and knows how to get things done last minute if necessary while I am just learning -- I need to stay on top of deadlines otherwise how am I going to get more clients?!

I've also been bad about keeping my word with my friends, saying I'd call her back after work when I called her back at 9 pm (she gets off at 5)-- this is very un-Muslim like of me, and I should ask forgiveness. I have certainly erred. If you're reading this, I'm sorry for not calling you back earlier, it was all my fault, and I do apologize. I have some improvements to do in my business relations, and personal relationships.

Dealing with clients

2007-04-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

Newsflash: My Dad is in the hospital and I'm attempting to take over all operations of his tax & accounting company but getting money from clients is one of the more difficult parts. My Dad isn't exactly a businessman, so he takes what he can get, and does what he does best: tax and accounting, I'm a bit more organize then he, but when I don't know whether clients have paid their monthly fee since January how am I supposed to begin to collect - especially if they argue and I have no records?! Or missing records, since some just pay cash?! It's not easy, but I'm trying. I learned a few months ago that Islam has provisions for doing business, and here is a link to obtain money before the good are delivered:

http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/035.sbt.html

Which states that one should take the money from the client if and when the goods have been estimatedly weighted and have a date range from when it will be delivered, insha Allah (God willing). Cool, I say. Less thinking for me since God has apparently already outlined the proper way to handle business. The hadith (stories of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH) also states that one should take what one is due, no more and no less, here:

http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/034.sbt.html

Which is what I've been doing for corporate tax returns and other related documents/preperations. Did you know that in the Prophet's time women owned businesses? Like Khadija (as) the Prophet Muhammad's wife who was attracted to the prophet because of his great business skills. It was not until the 1920s that women were allowed to vote here in America. And race determined if one could own property

Anyway, as Islam calls man to think, I invite you to do the same, because when I thought of entrepreneurship in light of my corporate America thinking, business sounded kind of evil - taking advantage of other people, which is why I initially went into teaching, but knew in my heart I was more of an entrepreneur. I always thought business was trying to get people's money for goods they didn't need. Then, as I learned more about American business theory, I learned it was about getting people what they need at a fair price, which is why I started liking business. Besides, I was an accouting major, how could I not?! Anyway, I love the freedom being an entrepreneur allows me, but when it comes to making decisions and extra responsibility, I become taxed, stressed, etc and want to give it all up! My source of peace in decision making are the hadith, which I was surprised to see, deleinate how one should do business. Awesome! I don't have to worry about asking for money, since by God's laws, a fair price is owed to me. If they don't pay, I find another customer without worries or a jolt to my pride. Since all that happens is God's will.

2007-03-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

I have several pending tasks on my desk here at this moment, I'm waiting on a bowl full of rice and meatballs to heat up, and am yet again persisting in my lately regular habits of odd eating, odd hours, and incessant busy-ness. I get some time to rest at night when I am there memorizing Quran (holy book for humanity) and checking my email and facebook (college networking site) account. For the first time this semester I skipped my class to stay at home and work at "my" business. I've claimed it as mine since August but didn't put enough effort into it until my Dad went to the hospital a few weeks ago and the tasks were all on me. While family friends and my aunt are cooking meals for us, God's helping me pass my classes and making everything go round, I'm getting offers to do people's payrolls and income taxes. It's amazing. I feel as though I'm giving up my education to run this business, and, you know what, I'm liking it, but I have little to no time for my classes. Does this mean I have to make a choice? School or business? I hope now. But I'll see what happens as things progress. God willing, I'll keep you updated!

Running around as an accounting company owner

2007-03-30T00:48:00.000-07:00

A short update is due....

I haven't been writing much online, because I've been doing so much offline. Attending my auditing class (upper level undergrad accounting course), working 19 hours a week at a CPA firm, and running around town to see clients, make deposits, and do tax returns at home with the help of my Dad over the phone. I've also been memorizing the
Quran, our holy book. I have had to run the company for him since he's been in the hospital for a little over two weeks, only necessity pushed me full force into the role. Without my being at the helm, our household will not run, so with the help of God, I've been doing as much book keeping, financial statement prep, and tax returns as possible to keep the clients happy, even though we're already behind this tax season. But which CPA/accountant isn't?! Wish me luck, and pray for me! I'll be back soon!

Tax season has me swamped

2007-03-14T04:25:00.000-07:00

Tax season has got me swamped at work and at my home office. My father is sadly ill, bed-ridden, but due to this unfortunate event I've been given the blessing to learn all I can from him about sales tax, 941s, and tax returns both corporate and individual. He's well enough to talk and guide me in my completing the work he normally does for the business, so I take it as a blessing. During this Spring Break I've been working hard at my job as a bookkeeper and working hard at home to complete tax returns for [my] clients. It's certainly an interesting experience, so I'm taking more control of the business than I'd initially envisioned, but we'll see how it goes. God willing, I'll keep you updated!

Where have I been?

2007-01-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

An interesting turn of events came with the coming and ending of Winter Break. Saldy, the weather does not change enough in Florida for me to register a seasonal change, but psychologically, I've experienced a great change which I believe is due for exploration!

I teeter between the responsibilities of an entrepreneur this tax season and a student, and friend. I've been enjoying working and socializing this winter break, but as I re enter a school semester, I must consider where my priorities lie. I know I barely passed last semester due to God's will, but what of this semester? Shall I pretend I can take the challenge of being an entrepreneur and student and neglect my new found social life or devote my efforts to being more of an entrepreneur and less of a friend? More interesting and challenging would be trying to be an entrepreneur and student, since my social life will likely follow my ambitious endeavors, but why do I feel a sense of neglect to my friends if I do such? Perhaps instead of devoting myself to my friends, I should continue to learn from them and do what I do best: Be an independent young person. Why would I want to get caught up in social drama anyway?

Adulthood calls for a less varied lifestyle

2006-12-03T03:54:00.000-08:00

Until the age of 21, before earning my bachelors degree and legally be an independent, I did as many crazy, exciting, and interesting things I could think of to enjoy my life and make a career for myself. Today, the weekend before final exams, I realize I simply cannot keep flailing in the wind like this. Jumping from one exciting thing to another, the adult lifestyle has imposed its unsung restrictions upon me: there's only so much time in a day and I need to choose one field to stick to -- at least for the time being. I've been spending 18-20 hours at the CPA firm bookkeeping over the past week, and then coming home to spend another hour or two bookkeeping for my own company, and spending the remainder of the time keeping the family entertained: playing Super Nintendo with my 13-year-old brother, watching 20 minutes of a movie with my older sister, playing cards with my 10-year-old sister, helping my father by bringing him the phone, being excited about the creative dinners my mom cooks -- if I can't evade them, might as well join them! Ulhumdu lillah (praise be to God), they're fun, lively, and enjoyable when I don't have to study to do work at the home-based office.

No more attempting to establish two businesses, I already have an accounting business, I don't need to add a success business to it for the time being, it shall, for now, remain only a hobby while I concentrate making a fortune with my current business venture, job, and student lifestyle. God willing, it'll all work out well. My final exams, on the other hand? Only God knows....

Keeping it all in my head

2006-12-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

Accepting the fact that I don't know everything.

We've grown up in a century with information is readily available. We've seen, read, and experienced so much through television, movies, school, and other media that we young people think we know everything. That has been my latest failing as an entrepreneur and as an adult.

I study for my tests upon the notion that I know more than the professor about how to learn, and what to learn - I end up getting Cs and Ds on my exams. I run my business as if I know more than my father (the accountant) and I plan my own success coaching business singularly without the help of anyone. Result: slow progression, many errors made along the way. While my sister is laughing hysterically at the latest Indian movie, I'm trying to keep all my self-improvement, business, and academic goals in my head, at once, so as not to fail in life or make an error which will cause me much hardship. I always call upon God for help, but I still must live my own life. The only way to keep track of it all is to keep excellent written records, and enlist in others help. Delegate, and keep working at it.

An accountant analyzes, I create

2006-11-23T09:31:00.000-08:00

As an accountant, I analyze a company's financial position, but as an entrepreneur I need to know everything launching and running a small business, and what it entails: marketing, manufacturing, management, finance, etc. The problem that currently plagues me is managing two companies, studying for the CPA exam, managing my life, and passing my classes. I've already decided that I know enough about MBTI psychological type to begin counseling people (my success coaching business) but I still need to fit into the shoes of operating the accounting business for which I did about 15 minutes worth of work this morning, and pass my classes. The intellectual within me is rebelling conforming to the demands of professors who think they know how and what to teach. I'm glad to see more artistic people as entrepreneur. Last night my CEO Knights president Brandon added me to his Facebook account. I was thrilled to see another entrepreneur describe himself as an "artist:" one who creates. It's often difficult for me to explain myself to anyone since my ideas are of my own conception and context, and when I get into lengthy explanations they turn away in boredom. Thankfully blogs are here to allow me to freely express.

The artist within me is living a very creative life, but the real world constantly interferes. The real world being: friends, academic institutions, and family. Those my are greatest hurdles to jump. Right now, I've replaced the Thanksgiving lunch initially planned by my group of family friends due to a death (of of my friend's mother's brother-in-law died -- her sister's husband) with making outlines for finance. I tried had to study to the professor's tests, but I can't. I'm an intellectual. If I'm not learning for my own understanding and only for the sake of some transitory test, I'd rather not study at all. I'm not on this earth to waste my time bowing to the demands of instiutions who do not know what's best for me. I'm here to serve God and follow His path. That means, living a meaningful life.

Anyway, the battle continues today as I try to seek solitude to study finance, update my event calendar, rework my priorities, not neglect my friends, and just trying to reconcile it all to my dreams and goals.

Not an easy task, but it's the life I want to live.

Powerful executive

2006-11-22T07:21:00.000-08:00

I'm loving the life of an executive. I walk in to almost bare parking lot at the community college at which my university has booked classes for this semester to attend my finance class in a black velvet skirt, with silver traces of roses, and large pink red roses printed patterned throughout. On Florida's second cold day in Winter, the day before Thanksgiving, I see a few students laboring over the finance problems our professor has assigned while I type this entry away on my laptop ready to begin my Thanksgiving Break early shortly after this class, forgoing my management class due to being fed too much. Yes, indeed, fed. I've led myself into a lifestyle that leaves enough control over my life, since I am, after all, nothing less than an entrepreneur, but with the goals I've set for myself I feel almost trapped at times. I spent 100 unnecessary dollars on the Mary Kay starter kit, which devoured two days, and more worth of paychecks at my workplace, and have been going to another financial crisis at home, but I know I don't need great financing sources to do what I do, as of yet, besides, I'm still largely in the planning phase, but I also notice that I'm trying to enjoy my life by buying Chocolate Parfaits at the university, eating Teddy Bear cookies at work, making a regular expense at Panera for tea, since I've over caffeinated myself. I even slept only 2.5 hours in a 30 hour period the past two days. Sad part is, I know now how people are living their lives at mediocre jobs. I don't hate my job, nor do I love it, but I know at heart I'm an entrepreneur. Now I know how people tolerate a comfortable, not a better lifestyle. They eat, party, enjoy friends, and family, and buy thngs to please themselves. I've almost gotten lost in the trap, since after four weeks of following my lifestyle: classes, work, family, fun I find it difficult to create since it requires more thought and energy than following the rules institutions (school) and groups (famiy) place upon us. Especially since they're fun enough to give us sufficiently joyful lives. My co-workers are like characters out of the 70s sitcom Mary Tyler Moore. My family is hilarious. I walked into the kitchen this morning and said "Just throw me into the snow" which, of course, was a joke since it does not normally snow in Florida, but I was dressed in black stretch pants, a skirt over it to protect me from the cold, a long blue sweater, a large fluffy pink sweater, and a blue short sweater-like robe on top. My Dad, like a child, didn't want to get up to drop my younger siblings off to work, and I ran out of the house after my sister asked why I was not going ice skating: "No one's going to help me reach my goals but me." I claimed. "Follow the ocean...I'll be sailing ahead of you on my own path." I slipped on my backpack not knowing if I had all the materials I needed for the one class I plan to attend, and said "See you at the finish line." With that, I drove off in my luxury beige Honda Accord off into the horizon to chase my dreams. All I need now is to get my artist's brush out and start painting the corporate structure I started drawing out for my company in October. May God be with me.

Wii is in my house

2006-11-19T06:58:00.000-08:00

I've been so detached form pop culture, since I've been focused on developing my art and craft, my individualiy, rather then being moved by the masses to buy popular items such as the iPod, but today I was out shopping for a Wii with my 13-year-old brother and mom.

We stood in line at Target and were the 24th individuals to buy the Wii at 8:25 this morning, the new Nintendo gaming system. The hype made the situation exciting. I Was waiting to see when hair would be pulled or someone would be tackled. Last night one man bought a system and was robbed in the parking lot!

I talked about heaven, my animator cousin's inability to concentrate due to the rapid fire picture, sound, experience in entertainment today which causes one to lose control of one's faculties which affects us all amongst dozens of other things. I even noticed a dad and daughter team troop from the nearby K-mart which had only 6 systems, down to the Target which had 42 in store. Not to mention a young girl who was there buying a Wii for her brother in law, in the phone with her husband who was a Super Target buying himself his own. They seemed to be excited to play the old NES and Super NES games.

I was caught up in the hype standing there in line so I talked a great deal and made my brother laugh accordingly to jokes such as [ones I don't remember] but when I saw him play Wii baseball, I was unenchanted by the poor graphics and boring nature of the system. After all, they're only games. I'm more excited about the super Nintendo games, like Yoshi's cookies we can download. InshaAllah (God willing), soon. Returning to my youth, that is valuable. Not game play. The new zune, media player looks interesting, but its just like the iPod video, I suppose.

Potential Industries

2006-11-17T01:38:00.000-08:00

Since I'm so adamant about creating my own brand name, I fail to see the present industries in existence that can rocket launch my business, but with Y&S new research page, where I can organize all my industry research I'm thinking about what industry I should research to consider launching my business in. Truth is, I don't which industry, as long as I'm living my desired life and following my values. Yes, I know, that's so vague that it'll be difficult to pigeonhole any industry for my business. Let's take a look at my list...

Beauty - cosmetics: Interested in it ever since I was 10
Coaching - Success/Career: Though teaching I learned I had a talent to help individuals grow
Information Technology: My life since 13 has partially been on the internet, ever since then I've been a web designer, but I find IT is a means to an end, not the end in and of itself for me.
Accounting & Finance - Since my graduate degree will be in this, and I currently own a company in this field, perhaps I should be interested in its industry news?

Blogs: My Marketing Tools

2006-11-17T01:05:00.000-08:00

Blogs and websites are my greatest marketing tools since people must know the 'real me' to put their trust in me as a comptent success coach. Not only blogs and websites, but me, myself, and I. The image I present to the world, through my daily interactions with people, co-workers, classamtes, people whom I stand in line with at Target. Because of this, I though I'd be a superb Mary Kay consultant, since I'd use the skin care products, dress like a sophisticated Mary Kay consultant, and speak of my values: God, family, career, self improvement, which include talking about my products quite naturally. Naturally and enthusiasitcally like my wonderful co-worker, who roped me into the Mary Kay deal. That is what will/would sell my product. But even a business person knows, personality alone does not make a profit, nor grow a business. Clearly, there would have to be move involved. But I'd start with personal selling to explore my natural skill, then incorporating more useful and practical selling strategies never deviating from my values.

Perpetual bliss through doing what you love

2006-11-16T23:17:00.000-08:00

Read another "Do What you love"-type article tonight by Yolanda O'Bannon I reminirate that I could enjoy nothing less than what I'm doing now: entrepreneur, student, family member, employee. If I were to graduate with my MBA/MSA/MST, quit taking classes, move to my own apartment, quit my job as a bookkeeper, stop planning my success coaching firm right now, I'm be extremely unhappy. I love what I'm doing in all its encompassment. I wouldn't be happy if I worked more hours at my job or took more classes -- in fact after a few years (2-3) graduating college and working full-time as an entreprneur is probably what I'll love doing. No longer taking classes for my CPA, but for plain and simple intellectual stimulation. It's all a process of growth. Enjoying one stage of life after another, leading to perpetual bliss. In this life and the hereafter. But each has its own unique struggles including spiritual, personal growth, external demands and decisions.

Panera Bread, Starbucks, or Barnie's

2006-11-16T21:18:00.000-08:00

Never in my 21 years of living have I eaten out as much as this. Tonight I sip Panera Bread's Hazelnut bright and balanced coffee, last night I devoured Barnie's Vanilla Creme coffee, and about a year ago during this time of the year I was experiencing Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice latte. Not particularly enchanted by Starbucks, but I adore the taste of Barnie's Vanilla Creme. I prefer light coffee to the nerve-frying coffee of Starbucks. Therefore, Barnie's wins my heart for coffee. Did I hear it's being bought out by Starbucks? What a pity! Shall I buy up a stock of their secretly delicious flavors before corporate comes in and changes their entire line?

I dined at Panera tonight with a tuna sandwich and Mango Ceylon tea. A cafe which, for me, creates an atmosphere for intellectuals. People who speak of intelligent things, and similarly do the same. Educated individuals who have high ambitions in life to succeed and reach their goals. That is why I chose it as my after-work retreat tonight to escape the family and find solitude for myself. I enjoyed myself there, and even asked two men sitting at a table beside me if they were gay. Not at all, one replied. I wondered about them, since I'm a religious person and felt the need to teach them that there's only one initiamate relationship: between male and female, and no deviation therefrom. I found that one of the guys actually graduated from a Catholic school but generally does not care for religion, even though he was brought up on it. An electrical engineering graduate student, similarly like his friend. I feel as though gay people are only gay because society confirms them, instead of tries to reform them. This being gay naturally arises from coming from single parent households where one does not have a similar sex role model, as I've seen and heard, one from a Virginia resident friend of mine who is a manager at Starbucks -- go figure!

When my laptop tonight, connected to a keyboard, optical mouse, and 19-inch monitor betrayed me by running slowly I turned on the two other computers in the den after saving a draft of this entry and ran to the one which started AOL and firefox the fasted, and therefore used it to finish typing this entry. Can you believe it was a father's computer? At 12:20 in the morning/night, however you look at it, he's not using it anyway, but what a shame that his computer works faster that mine does. Perhaps I rely too much on my computer with Sim City, AOL, Firefox, and dozens of other programs on it, I wonder if I'm overexerting it, and/or if I need a new computer to be as productive as I try to be regularly.

After a semester of practically pursuing my entrepreneurial endeavors, I return to my intellectual self because I find myself slowly being pulled away from the self who can read anything and decipher its meaning quickly, and then mold it into my frame of knowledge. Without this power/control of the intake of knowledge I shall not succeed in life as an independent enterprise-creator (entrepreneur). I will be subject to my environment, my surroudings, and people who give me information rather than seeking it myself. My Mary Kay consultant co-worker is not at all an avid reader, and constantly needs music or some noise around -- silence is a vice to her, and yet if I let too much talking, sounds, or television in eventually I deteriorate in productivity. Like tonight, when I sat at the Panera near my university and wore soft green ear plugs to dim out the sound of chatter and classical music so that I might concentrate. This week I was wrought with frustration that I was constantly being moved by my environment: submit those car registrations to the office today, check my bank account status, transfer money from my personal account to my business account, talk to me (said by my siblings), teach me something, give me some secretarial work to do, clean up that room, complete that account by the end of the day, do the homework, order your 200 dollars worth of Mary Kay products soon -- all demands from my family, coworkers, and professors over the course of the past two weeks. What a general waste of time trying to comply with their demands. It's my life, and with the help of God, I know I can do what's best for me. I don't your interference, I said. Truth underlying all this is:

The semester is 3 weeks to a close
My father went to the hospital on Tuesday and returned today
I'm a constant role model to my siblings
After two months at my current employer, CPA firm, I'm naturally being given more responsibility
I joined Mary Kay last week and am likely quitting before the end of the month because I have my own goals to reach that may involve Mary Kay later, but not now

Not only that, but I'm reminded of my June 2006 manager who was overweight, though well kempt, beacuse he worked in an office job, and I sat in front of him at the interview dressed in a blazer and skirt, thin as bones not thinking a few months from then I'd be gaining weight -- especially on my stomach because I sit for the majority of my day. I was extremely uncomfortable tonight at Panera after I eat that tuna sandwich on whole grain with tea and could not stand up to walk around to let it digest. My stomach had been accumulating fat since lunch where I dined on Triscuit and coke at 9 AM. Due to the inactivity of office work, I've been noticing a tummy form for two months now. I'm very unhappy about this especially since when I return from work, I have blog entries to write, and some planning to do for my success coaching company, or enterting data on the computer for my accounting company -- OR studying while sitting down on the coach for my classes. Sitting, sitting, sitting. Unusual for an active person like me. Can't you tell I peridodically get up to walk around even while writing this entry?!

Anyway, caio for now. Much work is to be done tonight, if I don't fall asleep by 4 AM! I already got two hours of sleep from 9PM to 12PM. That should be enough, darn it!

Thanks for reading, loyals!

A closer look at you

2006-11-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

Popular culture is such a waste of time, but people consume it like its their livlihood. It gives us false perceptions of our desires, since we become entranced with a TV show or celebrity due to its beauty and creativity not what it inherently is. Truth be told, this is due to the fact that the majority of the world are sensors. People who take things for what they are, not step back an see it in full view, even down to its depths. I write this tonight because I've just had a pop culture fest, talk, with my sister, since I am ill with some kind of infection, and it seemed like the easiest thing to do. Regardless, it's taken me away from my goals lately. I need to remind myself tonight what the core of my goals are, so I can do the hard work necessary to achieve them. God willing, I shall do just that tonight. For those who understand what I mean; I appreciate it. For those who don't, take a closer look at why you're enticed by certain aspects of popular culture -- are they reflective of you, or just ways to kill time?

The curse of an Empath and TV

2006-11-14T22:36:00.000-08:00

My entire perception of the word "empath" originated with Charmed's episode Primrose Empath where Prue became mentally incapacitated upon the gaining of an empath's powers to feel the pain of the world. She was not only debilitated, but running onto the edge of insane when her power to feel grew. She was so strongly inflicted that she could only retreat and recluse into the depths of a basement to escape from people. All people. So she could escape the pain, the heartache, the overwhelming emotions that emanated from anyone around her. That's me.

I'm sure it's difficult to believe that someone as strong-minded, seemingly heartless, and so well-adjusted as me would feel people's emotions so strongly. Being an INFJ I've been cursed and blessed with this power to feel and understand people. Only 1 percent of the population has such a capacity to feel. Maybe that's why I never made it as a teacher. I felt so much that I couldn't meet the needs of everyone and so I was tired out by the end of the day. Watch Prue on this episode and you might know how I often feel when I have too much extraverted energy around me. Like today. I walked through the university campus with my head down, only glancing a few times to my right or left so as not to run over by a car, because I could feel every word people spoke, the way they acted toward their best friend, their classmate, their professor, their significant other.... I couldn't stand it. I needed time for me, since I'd given too much time for my family lately.

Anyway, it's nice that a popular show has depicted the reality of empaths. People really must understand what we go through on a daily basis. I feel as though Charmed has shaped my ambitions and goals. Independent, single girls of the 21st century, they are, and they've influenced me since 1998, when I was in 8th grade. That is one heck of an influential stage. It's not unusual that they have, in part, made me who I am today: a leader. Ulhumdu lillah (praise be to God). This is what my enneagram results came out to be today when I took the personality test (Type 8 - Leader). From this I understand why people might have a difficult time to understanding why I'm so weak, and yet seem so strong outwardly. I know I've been blessed with such capacity to feel, but I will tell you, it's not easy, but it makes me who I am.

Regardless, let's take an objective look at one piece of pop culture I actually (used to) consume: Charmed. Unimpressive in terms of dialogue "Hey, stop that." said Phoebe childishly when Prue said "Why help me when you really want to be with Cole?" Since Prue could feel what was in her heart. Up until season 4 it was fast-paced, well-written, and impressively produced since it actually kept my attention. Me, a person who is not easily amused, nor one who can be passive for too long. After season 5 I was inflicted with weak story lines, childish mannerisms and weak talk between the three sisters. After season 5, I gave up on the show I grew up with, and stopped watching one of the only shows I watched regularly. It failed to be entertaining and educative.

Aside from all the witchcraft, I learned a great deal about life in the 21st century: career women who were strong, independent, successful, and empathic within their small family circle. Unlike sensors, I have the ability to separate the witchcraft from the practical daily live of the witches, so I received a great education of life in the 21sy century. It was the Mary Tyler Moore of the 90s and 2000s. Sorry guys, if you can't see what practicality I see in that show, I guess you're just not INFJ empaths. Brian, my INTP friend would probably ridicule me for thinking that show as educative, but he's often fascinated with the insight me, the INFJ, can offer his rational thinking. It's very interesting when we get together and talk in our Junto Intellectual group. Anyway, as I close this entry entering the title "The Empath" in the title line I see that word as invigorating and damning because I know well what it feels like to be an empath. To feel the emotions of everyone in the room, all at the same time. Whether it be large party where people feel insecure about talking to others, shy as wallflower, powerful as the center or attention, and or insufficient as a social humane being I feel it all. I even feel the even stronger dimensions of the emotions wrought within a family. My brother's feeling that he is misunderstood (he's 13), my Dad's feeling that he should give as much as he has to his children, my mother's need to care for her family by maintaining a clean home after 8 long hours of work, my sister's insecurity that her friends don't like her for her. Unbelievable the amount of emotion running through every situation. Can you understand now why I need more than 6 hours at night to re-cooperate?

Though I have a sound, individually derived perception of the word empath, I can't deny much of that perception is instinctively drawn from Charmed's depiction of such a creature. Interesting how television has shaped our ideas about life, huh? Especially our generation...what a great symbol to include in my novel.

True Aspirations

2006-11-14T17:25:00.000-08:00

I spent hours this past weekend working on an assignment for my accounting company and since then have become caught up in being fully responsible for every task this company entails even when my father is responsible for the majority of the tasks, since he is so obviously an expert. He went to the hospital at 3 AM today, which is another reason why I felt the need to take full control, but it back fired against my values and goals. I realized that I was struggling to mentally own up to the responsibilities of the business, when other goals and desires started clashing with my mind space: My Mary Kay/success coaching business and my academic interests in becoming a CPA. I feel like the CPA I work for. He accounts for doctors and dentists, and even owned a medical practice once, but failed since he knew nothing about the medical field. I intend to learn all I can to make my accounting business succeed, but another entrepreneurial desire pokes at me constantly, desiring my attention. I've put it on the back burner, mentally, lately, because of fear of failure when it comes to exams, but in reality, I'd rather spend all night planning and scheming to enrich the lives of others by launching my success coaching business and learning accounting, rather than devoting all my efforts to maintaining my accounting company. Sad, but true. I'm not going to give either up, but I really need to determine my priorities. One reason why is there is a convicting distinction between an entrepreneur and student. An entrepreneur is ruled by deadlines of clients, while a student's schedule is ruled by exam and project deadlines. I came into this fall semester as a part-time entrepreneur and 3/4-time student, but over the course of the semester it's become 3/4 entrepreneur, and pt-time student. Clearly depicts my values, huh? I need to get real. I need to concentrate on what is the core of my desire, since there is where I shall be most successful.

Read more about my angst in my other blog

Gaining legitimate and expert power on the road to becoming a leader

2006-11-13T22:12:00.000-08:00

I started the day by changing the life perspective of an Egyptian classmate, and ended it at midnight with solitude - a necessary retreat for this Driven Entrepreneur to ensure she's on track with her life goals, and also time to catch up with office work.

In management today we learned about the five sources of power leaders must have to be leaders: legtimate, reward, coercive, expert, and referent. I've determined that in my two businesses, I have a few and need to work to gain a few. As the owner of an accounting company, I have legtimate power since I am titled the "managing member" and I have the coercive power (the power to puinsh) since I can refuse to do the work my father requests of me. He is a leader since he has the expert power, while I seek greatly to gain it. Once I gain expert power, I'll have much more control over my company.

In terms of the Mary Kay business, which I'm planning on merging with my success coaching business, for now, I have some expert knowledge in the field since I've spent at least 2 years studying cosmetics and cosmetic chemistry to some extent, I already own a business, and I have had a passion for cosmetics in the near past. I have also had teaching/leadership experience and I can use that as knowledge to gain recruits to sell Mary Kay with/for me. Being a Mary Kay consultant, I also have legitimate power to "hire" recruits. With Mary Kay, I've also been given the power to reward, by giving my recruits free products to motivate them, and I believe I have referent power as well; power gained through one's employees respecting their manager.

Aside from my two businesses, I'm also thinking about revising my completed manuscript (novel) to become a publishable by involving literary devices so that it can stand alone as the voice of my generation. A reflection of culture, upbringing, and the way we we Net-genners are today. I was fascinated when a classmate sitting next to me in class today, wearing an orange shirt began drumming on his knee following my example of jittering my own legs underneath the desk to show impatience with the professor. His drumming and my jittering is only a reflection of our music-influenced culture. Immediacy, impatience, urgency are all a part of our generation's adolescence. Amazing. I must write this book, and hey, I already have 60 thousand some words written. Praise be to God! How terribly exciting. I didn't think that novel would amount to anything, until my collaborator taught me that profound insight was contained within it. She herself said "I can't believe how complex you were back then" referring to my being only 15 when I wrote the majority of the novel.

Anyway, as I continue in my many entrepreneurial endeavors tonight, including establishing my own personal brand name, I shall think of others who are working as hard as I am on their life goals. God willing, we shall achieve them all. The journey can often just be cumbersome. I leave you with the words of Jennifer Kushell, co-founder of Young and Successful Media Corp: "Be extraordinary."

---

PS: I just found out at 1:30 AM tonight that Y&S is finally up and running again. Founded by my inspiration to be an inspiration: Jennifer Kushell.

My Inspiration: Jennifer Kushell
My Drive: Me
The Implementor: God

Entrepreneurs are practical artists

2006-11-11T02:43:00.000-08:00

I was convinced that I'd forever be an intellectual from 2004 to 2005, then again, I thought I'd forever be a teacher and or writer, but look at where I am now. After 6 years of working hard to become one of those artistic professionals who am I? I've had plenty of other intermediary careers such as make-up artist, music artist (God forbid), a dermatologist, an IT specialist, etc. But today, I've mixed the practical with the artistic to be: an entrepreneur.

Entrepreneurs are artists because they

rebel against the norm
innovate, think outside the box, create
strongly independent
unlike all the others
paint the life they want to live

And they are doubtlessly practical, otherwise they'd be starving artists. They utilize people, places, information, and things to make their business dreams a reality.

I am fearful of this change coming within me that desires to extravert now more than ever. I feel as though the more I release my ideas into the public, the faster I'll lose them an they will no longer become my own. Once, as an intellectual and creator of the knowledge put into my mind, I could read a text and analyze it like a medical student must scrutinize a cadaver. I could understand all its intricacies and make meaning of it: whether it be a business book, a biochemistry textbook, or a novel. I was, ulhumdu lillah (praise be to God), very intelligent -- but as an entrepreneur I find that I must give up that control over my mind and instead turn my mind onto the outside world and call people to my product instead of just writing about it, or leisurely talking about it with my friends so they'll be interested.

If I continue to be contented with where I am now: bookkeeper/employee, minorly involved in my own accounting company, letting my Dad handle most of the work, student, and developer of a success program (my project Probe), I will never be moved to change, to pursue my business any further. I must admit, classes are my greatest barrier because they must be attended to at certain times (exams and such) but I cannot give up my education otherwise, my business will never grows since I'll never get the CPA qualification. The question is: my accounting business or my success coaching business? I know my accounting business takes priority since it's family-related and I'll be more successful in such a business, but my passion is success coaching? I was thinking about combining it with my Avon or Mary Kay business somehow, but I told my recruiter yesterday morning I could not do Mary Kay due to the costs incurring upon me regularly, but then I reconsidered when she gave me an entire skin care set worth 200 dollars to start using, and explained the flexibility involved in having Mary Kay business. I seize too many opportunities, but with some introspection this week, God willing, I'll find my path.

I also just remembered, I have a meeting with my friend today at 11 am: an interview for my management class....ay yi yi, too many things to do. So little time for myself...

Stifled by the workplace

2006-11-10T01:25:00.000-08:00

I feel stifled by my workplace. That's why I'm awake at 4 am reconcilling bank statements for clients at my own company. The issue that stands with my own company is profits. I'm attending the university as a full-time student, working from home at my accounting company, working at a CPA firm for 20 hours a week in order to save enough money for my classes next semester, and laying the foundations for my success coaching company. Recently I signed up to work with Mary Kay as a beauty consultant, as you may have read. I feel as though I've learned enough at my workplace about accounting, but the truth is that I've only gotten better at bankl reconcilliations. I don't yet know the inctricaties of profit sharing plans, or pensions, retirement funds, equipment leasing statements, etc. Perhaps I can learn more at my own company by taking in new clients? Possibly, the greater the challenge the better I learn -- usually, God willing...

I suppose the issue here is devotion. I must make some decisions: quit sometime and devote more of my time to that which I love most. Sadly, I enjoy it all. I'm so thankful that I'm in such a position, but I usually make situations enjoyable for myself. When one does not have limitations, one is confused and indecisive, and therefore less successful.

I still have goals to become more involved in politics. I missed voting day on Tuesday. I even saw my boss and co-worker enter with an "I Voted" sticker stuck to their collared shirts, and didn't make it to the polls because I was at a Mary Kay rally. Now, the question is, which shall I devote my entrepreneurial endeavors to since I know quite well, that I am nothing less than an entrepreneur: Mary Kay, Avon, my accounting company, or employment in a bigger CPA firm from which I can learn a great deal before venturing out on my own. If all opportunities are open, I shall likely be perpetually indecisive. Is it time for a pro/con list? It's time to turn to my management book and read the chapter on decision-making to make my final decision. Here I go...

Can introverts be entrepreneurs?

2006-11-09T02:35:00.000-08:00

Read all four of today's entries:

Why is takes to long to make the entrepreneurial leap
Mobile Office and caring for your introvert
The New Mary Kay Consultant

I'm highly an introvert, but as with my INFJ profile, you'll find that I often do not seem like one who gains energy from herself versus other people. I have a few close friends, and many acqaintances (praise be to God!). Which is what is normal with many introverts. That's why I can stay awake the majority of nights and attend to paperwork at the office, but often I haven't wanted to take a leap and tell someone about my product for fear of rejection. In fact, that is why I haven't been a very successful Avon Representative. I've only sold to my friends, family, and 1 or two individuals I've met in my ventures out into the real world: my brother's basketball game and my attending a job search workshop at the university. Some days I'd much rather sit home and write about my minor entrepreneurial endeavors to care for my introvert, but what makes me an extravert is my passion for what I do. Being myself, learning about human psychology through personality type, and helping others grow. What has driven me all of my life, are my goals, if that required extraversion versus my sitting at home writing, then I'd do whatever necessary to meet those goals. I know I could be nothing but an entrepreneur, and that requires me to be extraverted - and for those goals, I'm happy to be so at a level I can tolerate and enjoy. I love people, especially meeting new people ,but unless I gain fruitful "me" time, I can hate the world (God forgive me).

My answer then, is yes, introverts can indeed be successful entrepreneurs. Many times, they simply need to ensure what they do is inline with their value system.

Why it takes so long to make the entrepreneurial leap

2006-11-09T02:11:00.000-08:00

I still wonder why it took me so long to fully pursue the entrepreneurial venture. I have been planning my businesses since the age of 15, and only now does it hint at becoming a gleaming reality. Check out the plan (MSWord .doc file) I made at 15 to launch my own cosmetics business - from scratch: mix the product, sell directly, sell to retail, develop a workforce, and finally head it all as the CEO. That was the dream. It's becoming a reality, thanks to God.

For 6 years I was so fearful, and still am, that I'd end up like all the other losers running around this world as employees from 9 to 5 and fun-seekers with whatever time they have remaining. Just yesterday a friend of mine, Hure, a soon-to-be accountant who was offered a job by Deloitte (a Big 4 accounting company - I'm supposedly an "accounting major" since I'm still in undergraduate classes) for Fall 2007, and says a friend of hers works from 7 to 7 regularly as an auditor. Unbelievable. I work as a bookkeeper/accountant now and do accounting for my own business as well, but if I were to sit at a desk or ever check over the accounting records(books) of companies for 12 hours a day (which is what an auditor does) - I'd be more miserable than I was the past two weeks. Had I not spent hours, days, and months developing and writing for 10s of websites related to my goals that I now call upon to develop my success coaching business, I'd be overextending myself now trying to make up for all those years I spent web designing as a hobby; see partial list of my websites here.

My entrepreneurial route now seems strange and unpredictable in hindsight. I took many curves, turns, and loops to finally be here today as an entrepreneur. I started out with the career goal to be a music artist at age 13, a make-up artist at 15, a doctor/accountant/engineer at 6, a teacher at 17, and an accountant at 20 -- where am I today? All of the above. I couldn't have asked for a better path, but through it all one thing I've held strongly toward are my inner values. The values that caused me to earn my first C in college because I didn't want to live up to the expectations of a professor. The values which drove me to become a teacher instead of something other people pushed me into. The values that which caused me to take a hiatus from real life and become an intellectual, to seek a deeper meaning and understanding about life. The values that made me struggle through a teacher internship and turned me into a God-fearing and God-loving individual. The values that said "Take me as I am." I compromised little for any human being, and so am who I am today; an entrepreneur who has decided no to go in early to work today for she has bigger dreams to achieve. Her own dreams...not someone else's.

Attached to an Entrepreneur's Unending List of Things to Do:

Obtain my own domain name and organize all of my related websites under it
Calculate data size in each website, to ensure I obtain enough space (I can't pursue abstract ventures without some logic to guide me - I need to see the numbers!)

Mobile office and caring for my introvert

2006-11-09T01:45:00.000-08:00

Clearly, the Tuesday night rally left me no time to work at my office developing my business since I fell quickly asleep when I returned a new Mary Kay beauty consultant. I woke up at 6 AM not looking forward to the day to any extent. I had two classes to attend to, and I knew that my mind would be anywhere but presently occupied by my professors' voices. Instead, I packed my normally stationary laptop into the olive green laptop bag I foolishly paid $40 dollars for in 2003 and hardly ever used, stuffed my working papers into a new knit purse I was bought for Eid (religious holiday often likened to culturally as a Muslim Christmas but is for the celebration of God not the birth of Jesus - peace be upon him), dumped in mouse, iPod cord, and laptop power cord, prepared my tea and drove off in my car to the closest Panera bread for WiFi internet connection, ready to get some work done. I arrived, but even my ear plugs couldn't dissipate the sound of classical music ringing loudly in that rectangular building. Amongst doctors and businessmen there are 7 am, I started to feel uncomfortable so I trooped off to the college campus.

Anyway, I was agitated throughout the entire three hours worth of classes trying to maintain my buisness thought flow and give attention to my professors at the same time -- finally at 11:30 I broke free of such constraints, found a quiet place underneath a stairwell with tables, chairs, and outlets to sit on the carpeted bench and finally, after 5 days of external infliction I eased into the office life of a CEO. I posted some livejournal entries to track my entrepreneurial journey, and sorted through the many papers of notes I'd taken over the past two weeks.

Today I wonder why I tolerated 3 hours worth of classes when I knew I what I needed most was to stop, reflect, write, and achieve productivity at my office: it' s called "caring for your introvert." I could not skip out on classes since I'm only a post-bac student due to my own goals to become a CPA and continually educate myself, but I knew I needed to get away from it all: my parents, my siblings, my friends, my professors and just concentrate on my business. Therefore, I minimally interacted with my two friends from both classes and instead of walking out with them after my 10:30 class, I said, "I have some work to do, that's why I brought all this stuff" referring to my olive laptop bag, sent them peace (verbally waved goodbye), and let them walk off on their own. That was a relief. Being a future success coach and eminent study of human psychology ad the power of the individual, I know what's best for me.

The New Mary Kay Beauty Consultant

2006-11-09T01:18:00.000-08:00

Deciding between hazelnut creamer for my coffee this morning, versus milk, I contemplated, as I normally do, whether or not I should accept a chemical substitute to creme my coffee and risk possible cancer in the future with some unknown substance instead of purifying my coffee with regular 2% milk. I prayed for protection from future physical ailments, and lathered my coffee in hazelnut creamer. I just shutter to think how my co-workers can sanely drink their coffees cremed with International Delight - an almost completely chemical creamer which seperates shortly after being dispensed from the container.

Coffee is my fuel. Okay, so if it is, why did I fall asleep Tuesday night at 11:30, only to wake up on the couch at 3:30, in a half-way sitting position? I stood up for prayers and suddenly fell dead asleep shortly after I sat down on the couch behind me when I sat to take a rest. Rarely do I fall so quickly asleep. Could it have been that I was running on 3 hours of sleep? Very likely.

Tuesday night I knew my limitations and I knew the next step I had to take for my business: solitude in my home office. Otherwise, I'd get no work done after two weeks of exam, after exam, after exam. Unfortunately, I agreed Tuesday morning to attend a Mary Kay rally with a co-worker, Dada, who's asked me several times ever since I started working there, to come and get a free facial. In light of courtesy, and for God's sake, I drudgingly went along only to end up signing up as a Mary Kay consultant by the night's end. The culture of the rally was amazing: beautiful, talented, enthusiastic, and entrepreneurial women working together to achieve great success in their beauty consulting businesses. I realized, that's the kind of culture I want to be surrounded by. It's exactly the impetus and environment I need to flourish. Not only that, but you don't hear too often of Mary Kay Cosmetics, do you? Probably because they spend so little money on marketing, and more on giving their representatives vacations and cruises to the Dominican Republic, all over Europe, and other places I've now forgotten.

Tuesday night I seized a business opportunity which will serve as a launch pad for success coaching company. But the week didn't end there... >>>

Am I really an adult now?

2006-11-06T16:19:00.000-08:00

It takes time to accept responsibility as an adult, and until I realized what I'm costing my parents, and myself, for my lifestyle, I didn't fully appreciate being an entrepreneur. As I'm sitting here reading Taxing Subjects, a magazine put out by Drake, a tax software I use for company, my 10-year-old sister is highlighting some information for me to make the input process easier as I prepare to get some work done for clients before studying for my government exam tomorrow. Meanwhile, I'm thinking about my expenses. Do you realize that although I'm quite comfortable allowing my parents to fend for many of my living expenses, I'm being stifled to grow as a person, as an entrepreneur, as an adult. I'm still teetering on the fence of student and professional -- as is the case with many recent college graduates. Should I accept my role as an income earning professional or be comfortable with my student status and just keep having "fun" with laying the foundations of my success coaching business, and do whatever tasks need to be done for my accounting business and little else in terms of growth. I want to take more responsibility, but am afraid to since I've never traveled the path of a bill-paying adult, nor am I a fully equitable tax or accounting professional - I'm still working as an employee of a CPA firm on top of everything else. Truth be told: Unless I take a risk, I will not grow.

Vanilla Biscotti coffee over an entrepreneur's paper infested desk

2006-11-05T05:33:00.000-08:00

I couldn't decide what to eat this morning, so I went from the kitchen and back to my room, the office, and again to the kitchen since I knew I wanted nothing but coffee. I had drank a large cup of tea just last night at 1 am, imagine what my caffeine intake for the day already is! I can't be a CEO and heart patient at the same time! Though many oftentimes are, scarily.

I finally opted for a Gourmet Vanilla Biscotti flavored coffee with milk and PB&J on french bread. Might as well be a trip to Panera bread.

Anyway, I fell asleep by 3 am after attending a religious gathering where I learned the meaning of arabic words and terms, then attended a party, and finally went to a cultural event (Eid Mela) at the university with the same friends. At 1 pm I found myself IMing one of my more enlightened and ambitious friends that I couldn't stand the way some of our friends talked about good looking guys, music, and movies - everything I c0uld care less for, religiously and personally. I've always been distanced from people age, but lately we've been getting along so well together I didn't see an abyss forming between my maturity, goals, and ambitions and theirs. I felt as though I'd have to find an entirely new group of friends.

To counteract the disappointment of the music-filled night, I return to my blog and the blogs of others like me: CEOs and ambitious entrepreneurs to find my solace, my people.

I feel like making a "You know you're an entrepreneur when..." list

Why not? Let's do this...

You can think of nothing to eat but coffee
Your friends talk about pop culture, whereas you'd rather talk about more enlightened topics: business, philosophy, technology...
You're more up to date on technology than most people you know
You'd sacrifice attending a class for the sake of meeting a new client
You stay up he entire night working on your business, and are awake most of the day too
You excite about finding a new way to make your business more efficient (like Wikis, for mine) while others jump on the band wagon for a night at clubs or movies
[Add evidence here]

I invite all my readers to add to this list. I excite at hearing your thoughts - from non other than my cherished fellow young entrepreneurs. Go for it!

Technology Fest

2006-11-04T06:50:00.000-08:00

I was updating my MS Office software to Office 2003 on Thursday night when I realized it was morning and I had to go to work so in the midst of all the excitement and then depression that I couldn't continue with my Windows update required to load Office 2003, I made a date for myself for Friday night as Technology Fest night where I would delve into the depths of the latest software, newest social networking websites, and other innovations helpful to my success coaching business and decide which is works best for me. I started out enjoying the heck out of myself, but then I ran into typical technology problems. So much so that my USB keyboard and mouse did not work until 6 am this morning. Yes, I was basically up all night again, but I realized I gained little from the experience since I couldn't recount my corporate goals due to a week of exams, and complying with the demands of my workplace -- trying to seem like a good employee by offering to spend hours faxing a document, while accounts piled on my desk to do. I forgot that I was an entrepreneur of my life during this week, and spent two nights trying to recover. When one is juggling life as a student, an employee, a family member, and an aspiring entrepreneur how is she possibly to manage it all? I tell you, it's a challenge. But that's why I do it. This morning I have to rewind. Back to myself as a budding success coach, planning Probe (my latest project, ensure it meets corporate goals and personal goals), get some work done on this project then, in a row: attend a religious gathering, a late Eid party (holiday which occured on Oct 23rd), and an Eid festival at the university. Half of my day is devoted to social gatherings and hopefully the other half to the business. Tomorrow? Study for finance, management, and gov't accounting. They all mesh with my entrepreneurial goals, but they take priority over the business sometimes. If my classes ravaged instead of confirm my entrepreneurial goals, I would not be a sane person. Anyway, as they say in Italy, caio for now

Education and institutions

2006-11-02T01:01:00.000-08:00

By my senior year in high school I was entrenched in the belief that no teacher, professor, nor institution could meet my special educational needs. I was such a rebel against authority that it's surprising that I graduated college. The only thing besides God that made me a college graduate is my passion for education (my degree is in English Education, B.S.), and my sister being in a few of my classes and a constant study buddy. Now, two months into the fall semester as a post-bac student, I again revisit that belief to understand why. I've been spending most of my time studying for midterms not learning the material, but attending to the demands of my professors who have 25 question tests, which test us on only a few concepts amongst 5 chapters -- exams I received Cs on. It does not reflect the scope of that which I've learned, so what's the use? Most people are lucky, they trust the educational institutions will serve them well by giving them an education. Until high school I felt the same way, but because I started questioning authority and never quit, I've made it very difficult for myself to receive an education from an institution. I can better educate myself by reading books and deciphering math problems, but I don't always cover the same amount of material that my classes do in a given amount of time. That's why I chose to attend classes instead of studying for my CPA exam solitarily. Not a bad choice, but this semester has helped me learn I need to balance how much time and effort I put into independent study, and follow the unspoken rules of a professor. Instead of spending hours deciphering the professor's goals, I think I can better approach my own study time table. Unlike most others, I cannot study in study groups, nor can I believe the professor is out for my best interests. Even so, I face the unending balance of complying with the institution and meeting my own learning goals.

So, what next? Many options are being considered for next semester...MBA, tax classes coupled with unnecessary business classes just for fun...I'm already learning a great deal about bookkeeping and accounting to solidify my theoretical knowledge from basic accounting classes on-the-job, more so than a typical student, so I can use that as continuous leverage for to increase my customer base with or without the CPA (Praise be to God!) One thing formal education sure does is gives me more opportunities for success.

Priorities and Re-focus

2006-10-30T05:49:00.000-08:00

"Entrepreneurs are people who notice opportunities and take responsibility for mobilizing the resources necessary to produce new and improved goods and services" (Jones, 311).

Apparently so. Seems as though this entrepreneur has been taken too much responibility, and seizing too many opportunities.

I knew that after sleeping 4 hours a night this past week I'd need to catch up in sleep this weekend, but instead I attended to a Halloween Party and birthday party on the same Saturday night and did not return home until 1:30 AM. This preceding the following Sunday which was devoted to a Neighborhood Block party my neighbor JaHa and I have been planning this early September. I was stressed and had decisions to make: study for my management and government exams, support my friends even though I feel I will not benefit from any more parties, or find the time for introversion and set my priorities straight. This including my new project with a writer friend who wishes to write a literary novel on the subject of multilcultural perspectives on American adolescene. It should be profound, since she is a superb poet, and I am an avid writer -- IF I choose to take on the task. She called me several times throughout last week to update me on her ideas, her research, and I agreed to write scenes and dialogue this weekend. I'm already only barely passing my classes, how did I think I could promise 5 pages worth or story? I'm using all the concepts I learn in management to manage my life and business, and this is taking second priority in my life, coming only after God -- why did I agree to take on this monumental project? It's the reason I'm suffering right now 2 hours before my management exam, which I intended to do extremely well on since it is a favorite subject of mine, and easy for me to learn. This literary novel project could be a breakthrough for me as a writer, but I cannot nor am I focused enough to concentrate on fiction. It takes time, effort, and different kind of creativity than my business. I have to let it go, I've deduced that it is the major source of my problem. I've actually dressed in a skirt, matching shirt, and old high school jacket today sitting here in the computer lab before class; this is completely against my values. I'm feigning an adverse expression to the many people I pass, and I know myself to be congenial, friendly, and warm. I'm compromising my goals and values for a novel project I intended to take on later in my life -- right now my focus is my dual division business. I must remember this. Perhaps I can be an advisory role to my novel writer friend, she's already using my first novel as inspiration. What difficulties we talented entrepreneurs take; but, praise be to God, we're usually extremely multi-talented. Even so, what next? Drop that project and focus on what I was focused on before this weekend. Re-focus. I'll report back when I return home, God willing. As for this management exam...a D is passing, right?

How Do We Enrich the Lives of Others?

2006-10-27T02:21:00.000-07:00

M
I told a friend through an IM conversation a week or two ago "The most interesting people are usually so independent that they don't have time to talk!" and I mentioned her and one of my other friends. This is sadly the truth. Like the Dunkin' Donuts coffee cup says "America Runs on Dunkin" I feel I've been running the entire week: Islands of Adventure on Saturday with sisters and friend, prayer with friend who wishes to convert, work on Sunday followed by "chaand raat" - Night of the Moon, which indicates our widely celebrated holiday, Eid, will be the day after, Eid and classes on Monday, Work and study for Finance exam on Tuesday, Exam on Wednesday, and work all day yesterday. Indeed, I'm quite independent, but am I being of use to anyone but myself? If so, then what a waste.

I know a girl, Aysi, a former co-worker who I worked with at my first job at a medical office. A girl who didn't attend college until she was about 20, and spent her time caring for the family, working, attending classes, graduating with an AS in Computer Programming, but then changing her career path. Seems as though she does not want to graduate. Now she lives with her brothers, her aging mother, sister whose husband died a few years ago and is now attending college for the first time, while her sisters and family care for her two young children, her brother's wife who now has one child, and her younger sister. Wow, amazing. When I was 16 I thought, my, what a wasted life - spending your entire youth with your family. Being a townie. Now, I think, she's probably having the time of her life with blood constantly around, her three nieces and nephews giving her ultimate joy.

I, on the other hand, was just yelled at for not paying enough attention to "my" accounting business. As I've said, my father's accounting business is now officially in my name, and am otherwise taking 3 classes to prepare for the CPA exam, working at a CPA firm, and laying the foundations for my own Success Coaching business. After the short angry spree from my father, I realized I should be paying more attention to my accounting business but I figured one I'd gotten my life as a student and entrepreneur, and employee situated, I'd be able to spend more time on the accounting company for which I worked much of the summer. I've always been rather good at making good use of my circumstances, and since my father has quite vocally said he'll work on taxes while I manage the company, I think I'm ready to take more control. My mother now asks me for the regular household check my father used to give her biweekly, so I'm not only in control of the company, I'm helping the household continue running. Dosen't it stink working for your family? You might ask. A few years ago, I'd completely discard that idea as a potential future, but now, strangely, I'm loving it. I don't have to pay my own rent, I followed my father's advice and started studying accounting against my own will but without decision as to where I'd head next after a failed teaching career.

How did this opportunity fall right into my lap? You ask? Well, it wouldn't have had I not studied accounting, moved away for college, or grown up with an independent mind. My life isn't contingent upon the family, I have seeked my own independence by following my passion of teaching, and therefore am degreed to be so anytime I choose (Praise be to God), but I chose to understand my values for harmony, independence, success, and passion for my work before I even saw this opportunity of owning my own company at age 21. One already quite established, but requires some work to sustain me. Even so, I have no overhead while I plan to increase the profitability of my company. I have someone else paying for my expenses, and cooking my food while I concentrate on growing a business. It's not necessarily accounting I love, but the lifestyle. Like Barbara Sher writes, the core of your dream may not be "Become a lawyer." But have personal power to choose your own life. Find that core, and chase your dreams -- even if it is all within the family. In fact, that's where you can look first.

Mission impossible?

2006-10-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

"Just remember, you're not alone." I said to my friend, Nat, as final words ending our study session for the night for a finance exam to occur at 9 PM tomorrow morning. It was just a reminder she'd not be the only one studying into the wee hours of the night. After that goodbye, I drove off into the night with a phone at my ear, calling a local Indian resturant to order food for the block party my neighborhood is having this coming Sunday, God willing.

I have to remind myself that I'm not the only young entrepreneur working hard to achieve my goals in the dog eat dog world of business. Studying may be the job of a student, but I'm far beyond that limited role. I'm using my education as a marketing, and investment tool for my business. I already own an accounting company, with my CPA I can gain the crediblity to gain more, high-end customers. -- but if I could only condense the troublesome nature of the day into one entry, I would. Being an entrepreneur is not easy -- especially if one is not born extraverted. As an entrepreneur, our personality types should not limit us - we should seek to build any of our weak functions - including extraversion and introversion, otherwise, we face fiece competition if we can't handle all the tasks we must juggle.

Not just personality types, but fruitful projects are the headline of the day: We work so hard on projects, including my Probe project and my CPA project, only to find, or wonder, whether or not we're successfully seeing it to fruitition. We see ourselves succeeding in one area, and failing it another. I was just at my house of worhsip Sunday night to eat after a day of fasting and entertained guests I knew from outside my hometown, only to talk to another one of my friends this morning, who was surprised at the many people I knew from all over Central Florida. We entrepreneurs are generally charismatic and people friendly that we attact a lot of friends and attention -- but the question becomes: who do I keep up with? Who do I keep in touch with? Each person can benefit us, but how? Finding ways to make friends creative solutions to our entrepreneurial plans. I can't give a straight answer to that -- I've just noticed the frustration building to an extent that calls for its mentioning.

Anyway, it's 1:40 AM, I have an exam in 7 hours, I'm a bit tired, but I need eat a tomato to increase my energy, I may have another cup of coffee but I'd rather uplift my health, not deteriorate it. I made several plans this morning to make my friends business associates and still need to implement them -- I don't know how I'm doing to do it all, but I'll shall report back if and when possible...

2006-10-20T00:18:00.000-07:00

“What happened to my beliefs? What happened to being part of the solution, not part of the problem?” - Helen Morgendorffer, Lawyer Daria

Her enchanting job as a lawyer took over her life, because it was worldly and immediate – we all get caught up in the hype of worldly rewards, and we must all remind ourselves of spirituality. I’m not the only one who begins to rely upon my career to fulfill me and empower me in life – not to mention drive me to goals.

I write this tonight because, well, call me young and naive, but I thought everything had a relatively simple solution when one was as self developed and as religious as I think I am, but I've just come out of four days worth of lack of productivity at my home office because I was dealing with the psychological debilitations of impending failure in my Finance class. The exam is on Wednesday next week, and all I've been doing is taking notes in class -- normally I read the text to formulate my own meaning about, for example, cash flow management, but I was so fed up with having to following the "rules for academics success." after my first week of exams, that I wanted to break free from any time restrictions upon me by spending a few weeks in full concentration on my business. As I've said before, I don't follow rules very well, and I'm skeptical of authority which makes like as an employee and student very difficult. I make myself believe I am in control by pretending I'm working 20 hours at the CPA firm as an independent contractor with my company.

Yesterday I nodded off to sleep several times on my hour long drive to work since I'd returned home at 10:30 from a Ramadan event at my university, slept at 11:30, awoke at 12:30, and slept again from 6:00 to 6:30 running the entire Thursday on, what, 3 hours of sleep, if that? That's why I did what I normally do, drive for the university at 11 for my 3-hour lunch hour, went into a library study room, and slept for an hour then returned to work invigorated to work on another account (bank reconciliation and all). I didn't sleep again until 10:30 last night and awoke at 2:15 to study for finance, write this, and work further on my company. What I'm beginning to realize is that I need to be more efficient with my time and not spend it so frivolously any longer. I may be working on 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night, but it will catch up to me sooner or later.

For now, I'd like to quote Christina Aguilera "For my dreamers out there, I'm with you. For my underdogs, I feel you. Keep your head up, and stay strong. Keep pushin' on." Basically she is saying what all motivation books and even holy books say: be patient, and hold your ground, but in her own terms - which is all creativity is: a rewording of ideas said since the beginning of time -- so don't be too enchanted by entertainment's glamorization of the most simple of life truths. And with this, I return to working study problems for finance. I just barely passed the last exam, and cannot afford any wasted time -- perhaps I've been spending too much time socializing? I still have to work next semester's classes and a loan repayment into my budget for the coming 2 years, and make sure all the work I did in the past few weeks toward my business is not wasted due to my inconsistently in not following through on needed tasks...not to mention pray and worship on this "Night of Destiny" (27th of Ramadan) before not going to sleep again until 10 tomorrow night. What can I say? The life of an entrepreneur is endlessly problematic.

If I wasn't a celebrity...

2006-10-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

I finally joined facebook again today with a non-university account since I've forgotten not only my university email password, but my university facebook password. I' d never used it, even when I initially signed up last year for my CEO Knights, Student Entrepreneurship Society club. My college freshmen friends have asked me several times already whether or not I was on facebook, and I sadly had to say no -- oh yes, the new generation is a little bit a head of me in terms of social networking online. For the past year and a half, I've been so immersed in developing the individual I want to present to the world that I forgot about the external world. Marketing my personal brand name, all associated with my success coaching business, I find will now require some portal website, a www dot myname dot com, where I shall list my presentation events, the events I attend to, my current projects, and other contact information so that I can be a continual, contemporary, up to date inspiration for those interested in my business and/or goals, visions, values, etc. Even since I was 14 I had this desire to be known for who I was. I looked up to music artists like Mariah Carey and wanted not just to be revered for my own personal values and creative art, but to make a change in people from a distance. Tonight I reseached people I found particular interesting - those whom I believe would change the world, including my peers Michael Simmons (entrepreneur, writer), David Askaripour (writer, entrepreneur), and Nishi Rajan (attorney, lyrics writer). Not to mention, Vicky Jo Varner, a self discovery specialist who seems so live a secretly ambitious, amazing, and busy life that no one but her community, her world of people get a chance to know her and what she's up to. I don't want to be so disconnected with my "fans," if and when I have any. Especially when I finally publish my book(s) and launch my company. Even when I do, though, wont I become soon ill of constantly being a role model, a celebrity always "on?" I'm already a local celebrity with my own family and friends, and am often overwhelmed by people's need of me around. How would I possibly handle more? Maybe it's not me they need to look up to, but the values for which I stand: God, community, and personal development. If they could only but see...

Slow product development in the midst of a busy weekend

2006-10-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

I delighted in this weekend's events, including attending my first ballet and developing the skeleton for my first new product -- not to mention kept up with my organizational structure. The greatest difficulty I have as a young entrepreneur is juggling the many tasks I must perform in a day, and trying to remember where to pick up work when I return to my business. That is why my focus has been so greatly been on organization and management lately. To help with organizational structure I turn to my management textbook, which offered this week several concepts by which to organize a businesses:

Functional - dividing a business up into functions: Accounting, management, marketing, IT, etc.
Job design - identifying specific tasks that what jobs can be developed from grouping like tasks
product development - brainstorming, choosing the best idea, development, commercialization

The concept of product development is from my marketing book, which I glanced at just tonight when I was at a loss to determine where I should go with the new product idea I got while writing a journal entry at the university library. I drove my sister there this afternoon so that she might meet with her project group for class, and I took advantage of the campus computers and quiet study rooms to develop my plan of action for this new product.

An hour pacing the large study room, I came home with a simple list of there things to accomplish by the end of the day
1. fill in skeletons for the differnet aspects of the new product
determine writing assignments for the new product
begin developing new product

Meanwhile, through all this organizating I've been creating the foundations for gaining a large, nationwide expanding customer base by creating and updating online profiles including Facebook, Tribe.net, and ITToolbox, as well as helping friends determing next steps to their goals. One friend, Hura, a Junior at UF, is doing what she loves: medical research project, four science classes, and taking care of herself during Ramadan, but her schedule is so busy she cannot seem to enjoy it. An IM conversation with her Thursday night last week, I hope, helped her determine she needs to take a ligher load next semester and take a breather to enjoy herself as a Premed. Another writer friend of mine showed me a publish-worthy poem about dreams lost last weekend, and I'm already ready to put quotes from it on my wall! I suggested she send it to a publisher, which was a radical idea to her. Especially that she'd actually get paid for doing what she loves! So, the success coach is still at, even though she thinks she's neglecting her peers, as she told Michael Simmons on a blog post recently.

Otherwise, I have a finance exam next week, and celebrated my brother's 13th birthday tonight. He was so appreciative of the cake he gave me a hug. Who'da thought?! He's not normally the hugging type, but after his first day of fasting. I think he was thankful for pizza and cake in celebration of more than just a birthday!

Even though I resent having to follow professorial rules to achieve a good grade in my classes, I know I'd have it no other way. I need to be in classes for the intelletual stimulation, at least for the time being.

Oh yes, and after reading a news article today in the local newspaper about urban growth, with a quote saying "I'm not going to be here in 50 years. If we're going to have a vision, it's got to be perpetuated beyond anyone group of citizens." This struck me as a foreshadowing of the future. My next door neighbor with whom I'm planning a neighborhood block party, said it's our duty to vote, and I missed the primaries in September. If I don't vote and don't motivate my peers to do so, central Florida may not be a place I want to live in in 40 years. I visited the growth website and made a note to add this to my list of things to do as a socially responsible entrepreneur.

No compromise - office structure

2006-10-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

There are some things we simply cannot compromise with when it comes to being successful and productive. Being a one-person corporation I need office marks, much like landmarks, and organizational tools to mark a differen function in my corporation so that I can easily identify what needs to be done next.

I have a marketing station, a corporate station, a accounting/finance station combined with the IT department, and then the main/secretarial/writing station spread through the small space I have in the den of my (parent's) house. A tower of black stacking trays indicates the marketing station, while a deck of file holders indicate the corporate section, and so on. They're minor landmarks but they work for me in terms of deciding where each new paper goes, and where I might find the task list (what to do next). Otherwise I walk into my office and need to decide what to do next, and many times I'm at a loss since there's either too much or too little to do, so midnight calls for sleep instead of productivity. If I am sure I know what to do next, I generally remain awake to follow through with necessary tasks.

Ph.D Candidate

2006-10-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

Aside from my entrepreneurial endeavors, what about my education? I ponder this since at dinner party with two old friends from middle school with whom I've reuinted only recently (8 years later!) last night, my friend Nasa suggested I get my Ph.D since I'm unsatisfied with my current pay. since it's simply not bringing in the necessary funding for me to run my business. It is only covering my gasoline expenses (Hybrid, anyone?) and next semester's classes, so what about that Ph.D? Ever since high school people have thought I was so intelligent, since I always got As and Bs, but I was ready at age 16 to leave high school and become a make-up artist, or cosmetics company CEO. My thirst for knowledge and fear of failure, kept me in school. Instead of leaving high school, I made high school work for me, by enrolling in college level classes my Junior and Senior years and basically creating my own schedule.

I highly doubt my intelligence as others see it. Besides, whatever I have is God-given. Most of my friends are earning their degrees in Microbiology while I sit here with a phony liberal arts degree in English Education. Is that even worth anything in the real world? Well, I'll tell you this much: I followed my passion when getting into teaching, just because I'm not a teacher now does not mean that I've failed. In fact, I've become a better me. I continued my education, as this is where another one of my passions lied, by studying accounting (suggestion of my parents) and I couldn't be happier to be achieving my own personal definiton of success. I couldn't survive the real world without taking a class or two, anyway. It would stifle my intelletual curiosity. My management class was the impetus for me to create corporate function organization plans, and instigate a plan for knowledege management.

Anyway, now the driven entrepreneur is at crossroads: MBA/MST/MSA? Ph.D in an area of my passion or what? Oh yeah, and did I tell you? I haven't even taken the GMAT yet. There's no way I'm getting into a master's program until the summer. Truthfully, I'm perfectly satisfied with that. I can't be locked down in a linear Master's program. I need my freedom, and the freedom to express myself. See my philosophy.

Talk to me: mjskylar@gmail.com

Preview my newest project in development; the professions I've entered, the dreams I've chased, the goals I've reached:

Make-up Artist
Cosmetics Company CEO
Fiction Writer
Teacher & Education Proponent
Intellectual
Curriculum Director

Invigorating CEO week

2006-10-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

This week, the full weight and responsibilites of an entrepreneur have burdened me with their sight. The recognition of what it takes on a daily and weekly basis to juggle one's personal life, business life, and project development life has reared its head. This was an unbelievably packed week, and at times, unbelievably depressing because I could not keep up with it all.

Topics upon which to ponder, along with a list of things to do:

Consider earning an MBA instead of a MST (Master's in Tax) or MSA (Master's in Accounting)
Consider obtaining a Ph.D. in education and/or curriculum design
Notice the presence of inspirations to be more, dream bigger, and be a better individual Kristain Alfonso, Helen Morgandorffer
Us ITtoolbox to develop a knowledge management plan for the corporation (I'm planning on have two main divisions, an accounting company and a success coaching company).
Plan and/or mindmap my NaNoWriMo novel (part of the new corporate strategy, believe it or not). Consider House of Mirth as an inspiration with its theme: the struggle within the self against all odds by society
Be involved in the Christmas spirit instigated in your life with Avon
Understand and incorporate beauty in your daily life, such as the ballet I attend to do today

I'm stealing time away from my family tonight to enscribe the thoughts that would have otherwise been lost had I not created a misspelled, sporadic list earlier this morning in a rush preparing and leaving for the ballet interpertation of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, a playful script of fairies, an enchanted forest, and lovers with mistaken identities.

My family will not leave me alone, if ever I give an inch to their desire or a small chat while strolling into the kitchen this weekend, I lose the invigorating thoughts prepared to write this entry, or to proceed with developing that knowledge managment system for my corporation. They're unknowingly, constantly interfering with my rapid thoughts that are quickly ignited an quickly varporizing unless I act upon them. Do you know this past week's daily events from work, to class, to home-office work for the accounting company I've lost a great deal of precious thought and momentum toward my goals? An entire week's worth! But that's the reality of a young entrepreneur working hard to achieve his/her dreams.

Anyway, thought the family is an annoyance, they're an asset and a liability. They provide me my sustenance, my joy, and very little overhead cost! So I've learned to deal, and it's made me stronger.

This afternoon I spent two hours at the ballet with my sister, and tried to enjoy the experience of being in a theatre, like Lucy and Ethel did on their night on the town in "Lucy's Night in Town" but failed to do so after the first five minutes since I realize there were no spoken words. Only dancing. I'm an intelletual, I came to be educated as well as entertained - I tried with all my mental might to try and interpret the dance, since I'd read a Sparknotes summery of the play beforehand, but it hardly worked. I can't understand wordless art, so I tolerated the event I'd been earlier so excited for, and came to realize now, only five hours later that the trip to downtown was worth the experience. It revealed the reason why I aim to achieve art in my writing and life. Here's my tip to fellow entrepreneurs: experience being a young entrepreneur. Attend conferences you may not likely attend, just to understand how it progress. Go with some goal, and then think afterwards about who you could use it, the people there, the resources, or the experience as an asset to you as a person, and therefore, to you as a business. I plan on using the ballet experience in developing a product toward my success business that which will be entertaining and useful to the user. The tradtional "making lemons out of lemonade" axiom rings in my mind.

When technology fails

2006-10-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

I spent the last hour working to make my old 2002 desktop user friendly, since it's been sitting idle for weeks after my younger sister got her new laptop. I'm still internally riling about the time I spent and the fact that it still currently does not work. Besides this boulder on my road to a very productive day, I've done rather well for myself in other areas.

Having spent all morning in class one might think that I'd have accomplished very little toward my business. On the contary, I say gladly and proudly. In Management class today we studied the organizational functions. How corporations are divided up into functions (marketing, accounting, finance, manufacturing, etc) and divisions, such as Disney's Cruiseline and ABC. During this time, as the teacher went on and on about these, I drew a map of my own business and divided it up into the seperate functions I'll need to concentrate on. I started this morning with a plan to launch several websites in relation to my success coaching business and in managment realized how I could use my old computer for solely for the accounting and IT functions. I know this is an essential part of my business success that's why I spent almost two hours of agony over that darn black box, even going to BIOS to reboot from the Windows XP CD-ROM, and using an old Windows 98 Start-up CD. Looks like the computer has a virus since the McAfee warning sign pops up when Windows starts. Over, I might add, a User password/ID prompt for which I thought I never had such an ID. I might consider looking for other, newer Windows XP CDs I have to try setup again but I'm afaridd it'll deturr me from more productive efforts on launching my website project, tentively called: Probe.

I've already spent hours in creating maps, and taking notes toward launching this as part of my company, I can't waste time on something which will steal hours away and accomplish very little. I need to go with what works right now. Anyway, besides the computer mishap I had lunch with my sister at Cici's Pizza, addressed a young man who did not complete his part of our group assignment, which is truly a deception to the group, and met Zain, an 18-year-old Pakistani community college student who thought 21 was old. Anyway, I need to remember that technology can fail at any time. Tonight I might work extensively on IT, working to ensure back-ups and such are created. For now, I'll complete work for my accounting/bookeeping company and trot off to work on Probe. May God be with me.

Stressed and overjoyed

2006-10-09T03:08:00.000-07:00

This CEO is stressed. Why? Because she is

A student studying to obtain her CPA
An active family member of a 6-person family
Trying to be a loyal friend
Attempting to be a good God-fearing role model
A managing Member of an accounting company
A budding entrepreneur in her own enterprise

I cannot seem to get my attention on my management book since I have a looming project to embark upon on my Success coaching business which will take a considerable about time, but will be successful if and only if I put in the necessary effort. Truth is, managament is one of the most fascinating subjects yet, and I do wish to study it, but my new company project requires my attention so I fear I will fall into the lifestyle of every graduate student whose only aim becomes research and graduation. I'm not that kind of person. I don't let the world take me where it will. Yet, sadly, I am only one person. How am I to maintain an extensive list of things to do and all other relavant details according to each task? If I don't maintain all such things in my mind, then when I sit down to pursue activities for my Success coaching business, I'll be at a loss as to where to begin, or spent 6 hours in a fruitless pursuit since it was not well-planned.

I'm sitting here with my morning coffee 2 hours before class for which I must at least preview the text or end up wasting my time during, with my delicious Dunkin' Donuts coffee renumirating on what I've thought about most of my life: how does one obtain success? What barriers are present on a daily basis? I feel as though I should be at a cafe with intellectuals playing chess or talking about global concerns like the old Turks' tradition, but I'm content at home thinking the thoughts that will help me launch my own enterprise. Amazing what daily battles we face on our roads to success, especially today when we're constantly confronted with advertisments, media, information so quickly that we don't know what to take in and filter out. I drive to the highway on a road that which depicts Veronica Mars, on television. A show about a teen who investigates crimes -- something I could easily waste 1 hour on every week, when she is just today's version of Nancy Drew. Nothing more. The themes that resonate throughout all literature, TV shows, music, poetry, stories, etc are the same that will continue to be till the end of the world! Having graduated with my English Education degree, I've certainly had my education in the liberal arts (see fellow entrepreneur Ben Casnocha's curriculum suggestions) so I understand that through each new story we'll be entertained and revisit life ideas, struggles, and triumphs, so why waste our time in such endeavors when we can be truly acheiving life a our dreams instead of working 8 to 5 in a place we hate? It's just too difficult and we usually don't have support.

Right now, I'm living off of my parents, and I don't mind it, since it's a give and take relationship. They give me a house, home, food, comfort, entertainment, and joy while I return being somewhat responsible for my younger brothers and sisters, entertaining them with my company, and staying awake at night to complete my entrepreneur-related endeavors. Come to think of it, they are my TV. Our family can be such a bunch of comedians when we're all interacting. During our early breakfast, my mom walks up to my sister and me and whispers childishly for us to lower our voices so Dad wont wake up and destroy our peaceful breakfast. When in the kitchen he begins to make little demands: Put my tea in the microwave, toast my bread while I cook my egg, or other small requests. It's hilarious! Until I started appreciating and enjoying my family I really just took them for granted. By working together we're all trying to provide ease and happiness with each other. You know what the celebs say: I couldn't have done this without my family (friends, colleagues, etc). It's no joke!

2006-10-07T18:48:00.000-07:00

I'm finally set up my environment to feed me the inspiration and scaffolding necessary to meet my goals. Its taken me more than 1.5 years, so I suppose it's about time!

The two goals pursuant are establish my own CPA firm and run a Success coaching practice. This morning I attended a "Writing Your Life"class on creative nonfiction, but I will use it for my own purposes. Today's intention was to capture the beauty and the stress of the week past where I owned up to a gov't accounting test and began to establish strategies for my personal brand name company. I'm taking an accounting class,and two others in order to sit for the CPA exam in about a year or two, and am also working on three books: a novel, a creativity book, and a book on success -- I'm also constantly on the look out for events, books, and media,especially Podcasts,that which relate to my goals and seize them immediately. With some thinking, doing, internalizing and making sure everything is upon the desire of my core being, not just the outside me driven by society, I can ensure success and happiness with my career as an entrepreneur.

Tonight is another late night without the influence of family, since, while they sleep: I work toward my vision. I have several strategy meetings plan, will enter some financial date for my Dad's accounting company, create Quickbooks files for my soon-to-be corporation, study some material for my classes, and work on my books since they will be the foundation for my success coaching practice. God willing, I will have another productive night at the office. I wish you the best in your endeavors, and advise you to be driven by the force that with moves you with least resistence. Mine is being driven by my core values and who I am -- yours may be suprerior monetary gain -- whichever. Know yourself, since no other human being knows you better.

Although I know myself quite well, I'm still having difficulty developing my venture. I was reading an all-too-fascinating chapter in my management text tonight regarding organizational stucture when I got down to making a mind map of the chapter, as I usually do to preview it before class, I found that it was too difficult, daunting, and draining for me to attempt such a task. Truth is, until this week I didn't fully realize the tool my management text is: it's an entire textbook for the management of my company, a department in which I need desperate help. Come to my office one day and find hundreds of papers lying around causing unbeliavable ineffectiveness and inefficiecy and you'll see. Anyway, the mind mapping was too much for me because I couldn't seperate management as a theoreical study for my class and a tool to establish the management of my business. I'm only one person! Normal businesses have managers and employees to see to the day to day operations and overall goal structure of the organization, so until I just took one step: defining a few words before class on the class outline,I couldn't get to work on anything for more than 3 hours. As entrepreneur I'm balancing the daily tasks (updating my mood meter - a tool I use to determine success in a day) and the overall goals of the corporation and its subsidaries (strategy meetings). Sometimes the roles of an entrepreneur can just be too much, but it's our fuel. We'd have it no other way.

Strategy

2006-10-07T02:17:00.000-07:00

I'm living the life I love and yet I think my life is a disaster waiting to happen.

This morning (3AM to5AM) I throughly enjoyed myself developing a corporate and business level strategy for my success/personal brand name business inspired by the chapter I was to have read this week for management: Planning, Strategy, and Competitive Advantage. Eating half of a Hershey's Cookies and Cream candy bar with sugarless coffee,I delved deep into the definitions and concepts of this chapter. I was moved to read my textbook by the need to organize and plan my Success coaching business, so I successfully achieved two seemingly unrelated goals with one slot of time.

Just an hour ago I discovered I have a workshop on "Writing Your Life" to attend to at 9 AM, meaning I must leave the house by 8 AM, and shower by 7:30...shortly I'll be eating my early breakfast, as it is with breakfast this time of the year: Ramadan - month of fasting! Then I'll wrap up all tasks I've completed toward planning of my business (God willing) so that I might pick up where I left off when I return home around 1, and try to avoid the family's impositions as much as possible.

I still need to develop my strategy, identify my competitors, and develop strategy at all levels including functional (Research and development R&D, marketing, manufacturing). I have files and papers abound my desk. It's really just a credenza, but when one shares a home office with Daddy Dearest, one must compromise. Besides, my aim is not to work in a luxurious office, or office of my dreams, but to enjoy the challenge of developing my own business and brand name.

I also have sound files recocred on my PPC (ones I dictated on the way home from work
yesterday) I need to transfer into my iPod, since they're notes regarding my business, and then I must enter all upcoming calender events into my Outlook or Trumba. So much to do, thankfully I have enough time - how? It's called, only sleeping 4 hours a night! I need to remember to cut down on my fat intake also. I've been eating a tomato every morning after I learned that the more okra, fruits, and vegetables I eat, the longer I can remain awake and, therefore, sleep less.

Readiness to Resist

2006-10-02T18:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know about all entrepreneurs, but because of instilled childhood issues, I learned to be a force for strength for myself. I learned not to trust institutions or authority. My parents cared for me dearly, but they couldn't teach me how to live and what to believe, so I relied upon the school, until it failed to be the nurturing environment I needed to succeed, that's what drove me to the entrepreneurial path. The fear that the world was striving against my being successful. I made my problem everyone else's problem, so I worked hard to develop plans to improve the lives of teens and young people wanting to do something with their lives - I studied education and advocated being educated and true to oneself. This week, as a post-bac student, I failed my first exam in finance. No joke. One I studied for hours on. I'm not used to failing, since although I resisted authority telling me what to do in high school and even college, I did well in my studies because I had a willingness to succeed for myself - not anyone else. Education was something they could never take away from me, so I pursued it.

Anyway, I led myself into a trap when my teaching dream fell through in 2005, saying to myself that I could change the world without the help of institutions or anyone else. I had no guiding authority and I'd let no one in, only myself. While finishing my bachelors degree I resided in my parents' home making them proud by becoming an accountant but meanwhile internally plotting a plan to devise a human system to change the world. I failed. Poorly. I pretended as though I was successful, until today, I realized that all the plans are in my head and they're going no where - fast. My room is scattered with papers, files, folders filled with related events to my vision but those years of written experience are being wasted because I can't seem to put them together to put out a cohesive work. I often don't know exactly what I wish to write about, or tell the world because my ideas are so numerous and scattered.

My father called me arrogrant today and selfish yesterday, and yet I'm one of the most intelligent and well-read people I know. I maintain congenial relationships with my friends and aqaintanes, but I suppose, I tend to take my family for granted. Unlike the general culture, they're not assertive. Don't ask for what they want, and get mad when they dont' receive it from me. Sometimes, I simply refuse to listen, which is my own fault, but I've played their system of parenting for 21 years, I've become a master manipulator in it. I've played the family unit, I 'm wary of the eduation system and university whose purpose is to certify, not necessaily help one develop onself, as David Askaripour said in a recent interview with Reid Morrow. I'm still taking classes in such an untrustworthy instituioned and learned to make the system work for me,. I'm no longer bound since being a post-bac has allowed me to be loan and scholarship-free, and I've learned to to learn the material myself and get by with a B or C. But recent bad grades have me believe I need to work harder and put mor etime and effort in. God willig, I shall do such since I have Pt 2 of a Gov't Accoutnign test tomorrow, but where does this lead me in my pursuit of my accounting firm and success coaching business?

I've been running from distrusted authority for so long, I've built in this psychological trap that everything it says is wrong. Unless I discover it to be true on my own. That's why I fail to do well in my classes, because I have to have almost everything my way, or no way. Instead of running, I think I'm going to accept it as trustworthy to an extent. Why? Because I have my goals - generally: accounting firm, success business. I now have to struggle with striking a balance between trusting the world and trusting me. It's no easy task, but the driven entrepreneur is always up for the challenge.

Now, I have a test to study for. I already failed one. Let's not make it two. My goals, they're all still there, in my head, ready to be divulged and enterprised. After years of struggling to keep those ideals intact, no human being can take them away from me now.

Industry Expert: My Statement

2006-09-23T03:24:00.000-07:00

"I'll make my statement and stand behind it." - Daria Morgendorffer

After some research and consolidating of general thoughts and ideas coming from many areas of my life, I've decided to become an industry expert in accounting. Why? Many reasons.

Jennifer Kushell, whom I often refernce for her superb book The Young Entrepreneur's Edgesuggested in the first few chapters of her book flip through entrepreneur magazines including Success, Inc, and Entrepreneur, and dogear anything that looks interesting. Through this activity one is supposed to find one industry one wishes to pursue. Something one truly loves with a passion and become an expert in it by creating one's own industry textbook related to one's venture. Unforunately when I was 20 this wasn't useful to me because I didn't know what industry I wishged to enter: I liked everything or nothing. And at 18 I was focused on becoming a teacher which required little enteerpriseing deveopment at all, so I never did find my desired industry, until yesterday I finally accepted my role as an accountant and decided to pursue becoming an expert in this field with all that I can. I realize that I'm not passionate about any one subject, I'm passionate about a lifestyle and image I present to the world. I can't find that in any magazine, so I decided with introspection into my life and times what elements make me who I am. I always did well in English and Math (Praise be to God) and my degree is in an English-related area, and I'm now pursing a math-related degree. I even joy over solving finance present value problems, as I always did similarly with Pre-calc in high school.

Industries I've considered

Cosmetic
Education
Accounting
Information Technology

I'm struggling right now to start and complete my novel since I cannot find the right tone I wish to present, but that's my mind. I suggest anyone looking for their passion to experiment. I didn't know after all the effort I exerted to become a teacher for 3 years, I'd end up being an accountant, and actually be thrilled with the live I was living. Search, experiement, believe you'll find it, and pray. We're only human, we can't do everything on our own.

Now, I'm on the road to becoming an industry expert, though for years I was perverse to that word with a passion. I thought becoming an expert would limit my wide ranging abilities and talents in make-up artistry, novel writing, nonfiction article writing, critical issues in education, American history, information technology, and so many more, but I lived and I learned. I allowed my parents to convince me to go into accounting after devastation that I couldn't/wouldn't teach (my former passion), I struggled to learn how to learn math and business in college with the help of my older sister whom I took classes with, and I came out with experience that has made me who I am today: overjoyed with my life. I left all opprotunities open for me during this time: I attended entrepreneurship meetings, the chemistry club, started working with Avon, taught Junior Achievement even after I switched to accounting, and finally searched for a job as a bookkeeper to now having a job I love. I also agreed to have my father's accounting/bookkeeping company in my name -- though still growing and run by my father, I own it (Praise be to God). Not too thrille about not having started my own company at first, but I'm fitting into the role because once my dad decides I'm knowledgeable enough to run it, it's my responsibility. Meanwhile, I can learn about it at a slow pace without difficulty.

Not only did I get a job in the field, I've accepted the challenge to become an expert in the field because I know who I am. I spent the last 6 years defining myself. I may be an expert in accounting, but that's my profession, I enjoy it, I'll be excellent at analyzing accounts in a few years, but that's not who I am. As an expert acocuntant I plan on continuing relationships with the most interesting and intelligent of people and exchange ideas. When one becomes an expert, one is not limited. Accounting is not just numbers, it's business. Experts always have something to share and relate when talking to others.

And, hey, did I tell you? I'd always wanted to be a scientist. I'm already there.

Know Thyself.

Employment

2006-09-22T22:32:00.000-07:00

Until a young entrepreneur sustains him/her self with the income made through his visionary company , he or she has to be a part of the ordinary working world of people. I must admit, had I not ventured out into the world of employment , other than self-employment, I would not have grown, nor broadened my horizons, or understood the frustration of the typical worker. As with most teenagers my first (or rather 2nd, the first job at Sea World lasted 1 week) job was a terror. I worked at my the medical office my mom worked at and found I was constantly, after the first few months, trying to make excuses as to why I could not come to work: a test, a project, spending time with my aunt who's visiting from Houston. I sat at a computer most of the day entering office visits from patients, and/or filing papers- whenever they were upset with how badly their office was running or the office manager was upset at how the doctors (her sister and brother-in-law) were treating her I would get inferior duties. I realized the office was run by the emotions of others, not efficiency or effectiveness, as a manager should run an office - according to my management book.

Now I work in an affluent area of town, after a 2 year hiatus from the working world (maddess and hysteria from working at that medical office for 3 years) as a bookkeeper which is an inferior term and pay for my level of education (Bachelors - ay, how selfish and narcissistic we can be growing up in this culture of self-escalation, overconfidence, and individualism), working harmoniously (so far, until tax season Jan-April, ofcourse) amongst 5 peers and a CPA. Utterly different environment than my little medical office in the not-so-affluent area of town. A place of immigrants, low paying jobs, and a great deficit of proper education where people are unfriendly, trying to make a living and support their families, and uneducated. Working here has elevated my trust in life and people, in general, everything that I've fought against (low level of education and mediocrity) is less of a burden now that I don't experience it everyday. I don't even wish to leave my work at 5pm, and want to leave my house at 6am to get there early.

Just yesterday I experienced my first day of slump at work - from noon to 5 I was watching the clock because I'm reaching mastery in my menial bookkeeping job and am becoming bored (after three weeks). Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near mastery, I tend to second guess, believing I know more than I do, but the novelty is diminishing, and I was actually waiting for work to be over. So, although I might enjoy my workplace, I and Dado, my coworker, know that sitting at the desk picking one's nails is a good indication we're bored with work. Time to move on? Maybe so.... someday, I'll likely be nothing but an entrepreneur. Creating my own career or sustaining my own business.

Point is: we all have to work. A recent E! Online podcast stated that actors, including Lindsey Lohan (and Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone...etc from Nsync, for my generation of pop music lovers out there) have to put in 12 -15 hour days. The Screen Actor's Guild puts restrictions on child actors and perhaps a certain time limit or suggestions for adults as well, but they don't' lie when they say how much work goes into putting something together on screen. We're only human. We must accept this, and we all have to work hard to achieve our goals. Believe nothing less. Just find something you adore with few restraints, so you might eat the fruit of your hard work in an area you love.

Thank you. I've spoken my peace. Pink would have been proud...

iPods, PPCs, and the seperation of duties

2006-09-16T23:51:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to pretend as though I know what I'm talking about when it comes to iPods right now since it's 3AM in the morning and I've been getting only 4-5 hours of sleep this past week, but...I must indulge myself since technology is about the only large scale investment I've made besides my college education, lately. I spent almost $160 dollars on the nano device when I trotted over to Best Buy with my older sister, who didn't sleep until past midnight playing with the cool new gadget, my brother, and another friend of mine who has the video iPod. I'm already unhappy that the battery becomes fried if one connects it continuously on fully charged battery to download new audio files, and that it can be easily lost, AND that Dell does not make an equivlent, but it does its job well, so I hear: organizing and replaying audio files for on-the-go. I appreciate the technology, but I've lost faith when I found Dell does not currently* hold an equivlent. From a disappointing, malfunction non-Dell computer in my youth, to a superbly fast and reliable Dell Desktop my parents have bought two Dell Desktops, I brought non other than a Dell laptop, finally a PPC from Dell after a disappointing PDA purchase from Best Buy, but no MP3 player. Sad, but becoming satisfied since I'm beginning to believe that the Apple is the best in iPods and Dell is a major player in handhelds, but because I'm clearly not a materialistic person, the best thing out of this whole event of buying somthing so expensive I'm not wholly satisfied with (and can't find a better alternative) is that I now appreiate technology more and not just expect it to always be there like it has in my home.

I learned the seperation of duties works well with technology: Laptop/desktop for home computing archiving files, browsing internet, PPC for recording notes on the go, writing, reading blogs, and iPod/MP3 players as a tool to audio files: audiobooks, entertainment, podcasts. Works for me.

* Dell released it iPod equivlent in 2004, but it failed to become popular, so it no longer sell them.

Rage against the norm

2006-09-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

Entrepreneurs characacteristically have difficulty accepting established norms and procedures. David Askaripour, entrepreneur of Mind Petals, said on a podcast with Reid Levy, another fellow entrepreneur, that he believes people go to college, party, come out with a degree and think life is going to be breezy thereafter, which, of course, is not necessarily true. He on the other hand initially attended college to become a doctor, but when his mind wired onto business and entrepreneurism, he switched his major to English to give full concentration on his business endeavors because he'd found something he loved to do. Although he could put great effort into his studies and ace his science classes, he chose instead to choose a path personally chosen. Reid's the same way. He says that most of his friends are older, or more mature than his surrounding peers. He can hardly talk to his most of the people his age, and unfortunately, I feel the same way. My relief was working at an accounting firm where most everyone is 30+.

One of my greatest challenges as an entrepreneur was accepting the norm and other people's ideas. My failing is that I let anything a person I don't respect fly in one ear and out the other, I wont even allow it to register because I don't feel I'll gain anything from their advice. Therefore, when I re-entered the dreaded university campus on August 21st as a post-bac student taking (and paying) for three classes my schedule was out of wack. I spent the summer enjoying my friends freely, starting my Avon business, and increasing my mind with knowledge(books I chose to read, not my professors) now I must be confined with a 4 day a week scheduled filled with classes because I couldn't study for the CPA exam on my own. But that makes me consider, if I wished to become a CPA badly enough, I should have little problem motivating myself to open up a book and learn the math, right? Anyway, this subjects for another post.

Regardless, I decided to sit at the front of the class in each of my classes and pay attention to the teacher, take in what he/she was saying and believe they were doing what's best for me before I completely discarded everything they said and failed the first exam. So far, so good. All I had to do was accept the teacher as if he knew what he was doing, and I'd be in a comfort zone- not only that - but learn something along with it! My management and finance classes are going well, I even learned that the best way for me to study is to draw an outline, a mind map, and then go into the classroom with a set of vocabulary I was already familiar with. I can learn to accept the professor's way of doing things, but this weekend all I wanted was the freedom to do what I wished -- and a new thought for a business fully convened in my mind: become a success coach. Sure, why not? I'm passionate enough about it for it to work all I need now are the resources to make it happen.

This month's struggles will be

Accept the professor as though he/she knows what she's doing when teaching me about accounting and business (they're going to help me pass the CPA exam)
Finding resources to start and prepare myself for my success coaching business (and the needed extraverted energy)
Gaining more clients for my accounting and tax company
Dealing with the rigorous work/school schedule

Nothing but an entrepreneur

2006-08-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

Seasoned entrepreneurs know that during low sales, insufficient clientle, or a heavy workload, they reconsider getting a steady job to avoid the stresses of entrepreneurial life, but in the end, they realize, being an independent individual, having the freedom to use their time the way they wish, is part of their values - their being, their nature. Jennifer Kushell, and hundreds of entrepreneurs before me have decided that they are entrepreneurs - not employees. No trough in their mood meter will change it. I'm still having a difficult time coming to terms with it, because of the uncertainties that lie ahead in my journey. And yet, looking at the future of myself as an employee of any other company is the cause of my internal distress. If I'm not generally in control of how I spent my 40 hours a week, is life worth living?

Jennifer Kushell writes in her book The Young Entrepreneur's Edge about days when she had a $0 bank balance and her credit cards were maxed out and her business friends went out to lunch to talk business. She even recalled the times she spent eating Ramen noodles, and nothing else, in her dorm room-office. She was broke,and yet she couldn't think of anything else that she would be than an entrepreneur.

Partner up with an seasoned entrepreneur

2006-07-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

One of the most structured ways to enter the entrepreneurial field is to partner or intern with someone who is already in the trade of your interest, learn the job, and once experienced, start your own business doing a better job that your trainer did. A tip given by a most successful entrepreneur, Tina Holden of Absolutely Wireless who, at the age of 19, began working on selling cell phones and was constantly the greastest salesperson in the company. It's no easy task for a young person to enter the technology selling industry, and yet, Tina did so, learned the trade, and now owns her own successful shop in Florida.

Similarly, I spent an hour and a half tonight working with my father as he recited pin numbers and tax IDs to me while I entered payments for some quarterly taxes related to my work as a bookkeeper at my father's accounting firm. Actually, I should very well be saying my accounting firm, since, as of July 24th, I am officially the CEO. I'm grateful to God for this opportunity to own a business so young, two in fact, and God willing, I will be routined into the tasks of an accountant by the year's end, with my father's help. The concepts of accounting may be deemed difficult from the mouths of university students, but as a trade, the tasks are surpringsly simple, especially when your patient father is teaching you everything you need to know to succeed. Calling, networking, and locating a mentor/trainer like this may be difficult, but through internships, jobs, and personal calling and contact making, you may be on the road to becoming the next [fill in the blank here] entrepreneur!

Pessimist

2006-07-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

"Who cares if people don't like your glasses? You can see better than anybody else..." - Daria Morgendorfer, Daria

Two party-filled weekends and a day of recovering from illness, only to be shot down by another case of the chills has lead me to contemplate "why been more pessimistic about the world than you already are? Sure, you're ill, but if you wished, you could bounce up and down to feel no excess pain."

When I entered the classroom of my full-time internship revved up to see myself a most enthusiastic, superb, young, cool and new happy new teacher to those misunderstood 8th graders. I exited the classroom in May of 2005 with my idealist vision of teaching completely dispirited. From then on, I realize as I contemplate, I see imperfection with almost everything, preparing myself not to be disappointed in life. On Monday I reconsidered the notion of being such a idealist in desire to change my personality type. If I were a rational I wouldn't be so often disappointed, right? I wouldn't write off TV or digital media today as only creativity, with no purpose. Creative works are meant to inspire, and though most of my ideas are generated through inspiration, I pessimitically said "What's inspiration going to do for me?" Everything seen on television began to be tainted with falasity in my eyes, since I tried hopelessly in youth to recreate the way Tommy Pickles led his friends through a pretend pirate chase, with Angelia as the evil Captain Hook.

When I woke up from a nap today with discomfort encompassing my body, I, for once, realied "Hey this isn't so bad" since I'm not dying or becoming permantly ill (praise be to God). So why not recognize the fact that I don't have to change my personality type to be a realistic, happy individual since through all my self studies I probably can be better that most people around me. Use that teen agnst of Daria Morgandorfer as inspiration that I am more like the cool-headed her than the wretched idealist I believe myself to be.

The dream of being a successful CEO

2006-07-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

My desire to become the CEO of my own company stemmed from my fascination with Kate Roberts, CEO of the fictional company, Titan, on the soap opera Days of Our Lives. The beautiful kate always wrote the best of fashionable, yet classic business suits, had hundreds of employees underneath her, and had tremendous power within her own company. I was enchanted not only but her classical elegance and power, but he interest in caring for her children. In 1999, when I was 14, she seemed the epitome of a successful woman to me, and I tended to find women, or fictional characters similar to her as role models for myself. So much so that I started writing a novel with the main character being a successful, young CEO of a cosmetics company called Tough Luck. Though in my idealist fantasies I may someday become this tough and ambitious woman I write about in my story, I start from humble beginnings as a partner of my father's home-based accounting firm.

This morning I began reconciling the books with the bank statements, and soon found after 30 minutes worth of work that the recon was invalid, since the checks of the following month had not yet been entered. Though I initially sat down at he home office desk with confidence that I know what I'm doing when it comes to bank recons, I encountered a problem that requires me to either find the February checks, ask my father where they might be, which of course, he may have no knowledge since I've taken over the bank recon department, or call the business owner with whom my father may have already spoken and obtained the checks. Working with a partner may take half of the company's burden off of one, but while I'm still learning the trade and becoming comfortable and confident in my role as a bookkeeper, problems will persist.

So, as I relive fantasies of becoming a successful, elegant, and powerful CEO of a huge company, I must also come back to reality at times to discover the most practical way to handle the most simple, ordinary of tasks. Being a CEO, though glamorous it may be, the journey upward may be long and trying. These are the dreams, though, that keep us moving.

Chameleons

2006-07-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

We entrepreneurs tend to believe that we are in control of our environments, when in really there is less we can control than we think. Even an emotional hold like a family, has some system of rules underneath is rampid chaos. Today's events hold the tale...

At the computer show...

My younger sister wanted her mini laptop from the computer show, and I desired a 19 inch monitor, which my mother would pay for, but my mother wished to obtain it on her Dell account. A tornado of arguments persisted in the household while my 10-year-old sister cried to have her laptop today instead of waiting Dell to ship it while I calmly put in my own personal appeal to obtain my new 19 inch monitor from the computer show my father and I visited today. I am an opportunist, I forgotten how I used the family situation to my advantage when I was younger by asking my parents to buy me things they couldn't afford because I believed it was the only good thing I could get out to them. From these selfish ways I then moved to benevolence through teaching where each individual student was a special case to be addressed gently. Including Jay, who was large, a bit insecure, and defiant 13-year-old unwilling to do his classwork. I cared for the individual not just the class as a whole. Until I was again entrenched into a family system of organization.

Since I'm a partner in my father's home-based accounting firm,I not only have to learn the trade and prepare taxes, I also have to deal with family-money issues. This provides a perfect way to study my environment and use it to my advantage. For weeks I considered this a horrific situation, since I'd have to deal with the illogical cries of a 10-year-old wanting to spent money the firm didn't have, but now I recall how I dreaded my former semester at UCF studying accounting. Though I hated having four treacherous classes, I made it through the four months in an attempt to earn my minor in accounting. I read science-related articles on the weekend for my own intellectual desires, studied with my sister for tests, and continued to work on my education nonprofit. I accepted that fact that I must struggle through these classes, and used the time I had to do what I wished. I now have a slightly greater understanding of science, accounting, and the university system. Now, how can I understand the family unit and use it to meet my goals?

shall I begin with roles or goals? To understand the environment I must first know who's who and what their apparently appointed roles are

Mother - Part income earner, expects me to keep my room and the house generally clean, pick and drop her from work and back, pick and drop the younger siblings if necessary, cook and clean when we have gatherings

Father - Business owner, expects me to go to client round with him, learn the trade from him but he'll only teach me if I'm there when he is doing the work, I have to establish some some of schedule. Expects me to maintain harmony in the house ensure that the youngest sister does not cry.

Elder sister - Wishes to speak to me when she returns home from work or classes because of this silly need to have someone to speak to.

Younger Brother - Expects me to listen to him when he talks about his fascination with Nintendo and their newest console. Is very logical, requires a logical explanation if I ask him to do something.

Youngest Sister - Talk and play with her once in a while, or when she's bored.

They actually have few expectations of me, but I've taken it upon myself to meddle in their lives because I wish them to read, be well educated, smart, and hobby-oriented, or careful with money. Once I interfere problems erupt. Maybe I should do less. For God's sake I shall divulge what I know about religion, but meet minimal expectations while reaching my own goals.

All the time I do not spend with them, I can happily launch my own business, improve my father's, and meet my own goals. Seven of which I inscribed today. More on that later... For now, I've solved a great problem of mine and all I had to do was: BUTT OUT.

Productivity matching school days

2006-07-13T01:27:00.000-07:00

I'm not willing to fall into the trap of low productivity since my days in high school and college have shown that I am capable of much more activity. With that I proceed with dealings as a young entrepreneur.

Being a recent college graduate, I compare my level of productivity to that of my years in school. As compared to a rigorous schedule of 8 classes in day, and homework after school during secondary schooling and work, class, study in college, one might rightly ask a recent college graduate taking the summer off how he/she spends her timw now that he's entitled to an entire day of no responsibilities. As an entrepreneur with a home-based accounting businessI still question how I spend my time, and how other home-based business owners do as well.

The idea of being tied down to a job every day after college and for the rest of one's life is not at all appealing to me since I prefer to couple the engagment in practicality with intellectualism -life-long learning, growth, evolution of one's knowledge. So, then how does one balance the practical aspects of self-employment and intellectualism and achieve equal productivity to one's school days?

Immediately after college one might relish the more relaxed progression of life, but as a business owner one quickly realizes that the more rest one takes, the less income he earns. Lately my father and I have deduced that an upcoming 2000 deficit is occuring within the household and his personal account in the coming months, with the money that is currently coming due from clients. Yesterday I even took the day off, trying to reinstall AOL to ensure its working condition on the main company computer, until my father finally decided he'd come and try to fix the problem after many failed tries on my part, when he returns home from his independent contact work with a local hotel. I even forgoed all other responsibilities of duty at the accounting business because I was genuinely fed up with taking care of my stay-at-home-from-school siblings (summer vacation) and the business. My friend, SA, came over and we enjoyed watching Memento, a psychological thriller with Guy Pearce. This was a long needed break, though I've only been working 2-4 hours at the business daily, I felt "on-call" the past week since whenever my father was available I needed to learn a new aspect of accounting/bookeeping for my up-and-coming takeover.

Anyway, one cannot seem to match the productivity to school days because business is not as easy as reading a textbook and following up with homework one must turn into the teacher the next day. Problems occur: an unhappy client, a client who is not sending us the necessary data to continue work on his file, and/or no client to be had. With such a lifestyle one must learn to be flexible, which means working on an account one does not wish to, but its the only one to be worked on, calling the client days ahead of time to have all necessary paperwork to complete work on his file, etc. Flexibility and networking are two key components to productivity as a business owner. Discipline, trust in oneself, and faith can help one follow through. God willing.

See problems as challenges

2006-07-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

My father is overdrawn at the bank due to my salary check and now owes his bank hundreds of dollars
I approached only four potential clients at last night's dinner

A business owner must not cave in to anticipated or current problems, but see and react to them as challenges. When I must be a business owner AND parent, and sister, and friend, and daugther at the same time I have enormous difficulty seeing problems as challenges instead of punishments. Human beings and psychology must be dealt with gently while I am a tough business owner, to become gentle is to waste time and dumb myself down to other people's level. Then again, the nature of a business person is also charasmatic, because if one cannot get his customer to trust him, then one is at a loss to find business. Though this is true, I cannot argee that being a sister, parent, daughter, and friend is part of the job of a business owner. This is time for business and time for family and friends. So let's get this back to business...

As a business owner problems can seem overwhelming and threatening to take one out of business and onto the streets, especially it one's bank account is too low for show. I know this well since I've often read of Jennifer Kushell's "Tales from the Trenches" in her book The Young Entrepreneur's Edge. To see problems as challeneges one must address the situation, and devise possible solutions. We've learned in school that not everyday is interesting or exciting, the same is true for business. Not every one we meet will become a client, but attemping to make a connection with the fellow we met at a dinner party will at least help us learn a way NOT to approach a potential client. How many times have we have to re-do the factoring process of a quadradic function before arriving at the correct answer. Trial and error works in all lines of work. I remember it well when I sat in Mrs. Lee's Algebra 2 classroom until 5pm finishing an Algebra 2 test - she'd mentioned that this was the latest she'd ever stayed for a student. And still, I believe I learned a C. But overall, I achieved a B in the class. That 10th grade math class was full of successes and failures - as will be all my future ventures. We live. We learn.

Tip (From David Askaripour): Make the customer believe he/she is control of the buying situation.

Intelligent and educated

2006-07-09T05:20:00.000-07:00

This beautiful summer morning I awake and walk confidently around the house after watching educational television (Nickelodeon's Hey Arnold) with shoulders square and a satisfied smile upon my face to believe that I am an intelligent and educated person.

My brother's Friday night statement "You're the most intelligent person I know," went little recognized by me since I didn't fully believe it until this morning. Two long, trying months after a previous four arduous months of accounting classes I begin to believe in my intelligent, God-given mind. The weekly toil of creating tax returns and creating Access files for my accounting classes added little to my knowledge but caused me hours of agony and worry of failure, and because of all this, I sat here yesterday believing that I'm wholly unintelligent. My parents insistence I am not educated unless I earn my CPA was another weight on the scale of the educated person, whereas my self-education through books and projects weighed nothing on that scale.

Of the ills of society I have not yet begun to write, but just because entrepreneurs and ambitious young people are not traditionally educated does not mean all the business books read are useless and mean nothing in terms of knowledge in our heads. Though our non-traditional education may not often be accepted in the job force, we have more to offer employers. Our ambition, and the marketing strategies we use to sell our merits.

Let us not begin to fall prey to the ever-onlooking society. Peers, parents, and others thinking we shall fail in our independent endeavors. Though we may not achieve success immediately, in the long run, our confidence and self-education shall make us better, more educated people, God willing.

Reality Bites: Friends vs Business

2006-07-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

The ever-situational issue of friends has finally arrived for this young entrepreneur. I am about to acquire a small accounting & bookkeeping firm, and I already notice it taking more of my time than previously expected. This morning I awakened to a stack of bank statements to reconcile and tommrrow, before a dinner party my mom's devised, I'll likely have more tax-related work to complete. At this dinner party will be a few friends with whom I was supposed to enjoy a weekend at the park, and this morning I'm awaiting a return call from a group of friends with whom I am supposed to enjoy an afternoon or morning dancing or something, and tomorrow I also have a Junto (Intellectual) meeting to attend to with two friends at the local Barnes and Noble. Weekends are incredibly busy. Though I feel warm and blessed to have so many friends, I don't particularly want to spend my entire weekend with them. I already feel as though I have enough duties at my home-based business - accounting and advising. Accounting for clients, and advising my siblings and parents on life matters and human development. The only time I could find for myself was last night at 1am to 7am where studied my Government and Not-for-Profit accounting book, and enjoyed some alone time. Even this afternoon, I'm not completely alert enough to carry out tasks of studying because of my broken sleep.

Ordinarily I'd run to no one for advice on this matter of friends because I often feel as though I'm on my own. I've made my own decisions in my life, and I feel as though I must continue to. Then my mom came in to speak about marriage, friends, and relationships and I began to trust her advice. She's holding a dinner party for a two families whose parents she does not particularly enjoy, but whom she appreciates and for whom she knows she must maintain a friendship since they've been gracious enough to invite her to their gatherings. She's lost a good friend over the past few years, and just accepts the fact that although she lives nearby, they're in two different worlds destined not to relate. Besides her four children and husband keep my mother busy, and enjoying life.

What about me? What friends do I keep and with whom do I remain a meer acqaintance? This is a difficult decision, since I hardly enjoy most of our outings or gatherings, but I know I'll need friends around in the future, not just business associates. Maybe soon I'll come up with a solution. At least I know I'm not alone - my mother, though irrational at times, can be a trusted advisor.

Systems for humans are necessary

2006-07-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

I ask my readers today to forgive the mediocrity of my entries lately, I've been struggling to find peace and sanity in my household to write cohesive entries. My defenses are weak. I can think only of clichés during this time.

A complete mistrust of institutions has led me to question systems: If I don't trust organizations and institutions to guide me to successful and happy life, how can anyone else? I even ran from religion and was a skeptic until difficult circumstances turned me to nothing else but God, which I am not graciously thankful for. And yet, I still don't trust human made systems. This has been the story ever since my immigrant parents didn't know how to raise me in this independent and individualistic culture, which I've grown to love by sitting through the public education system and in front of the television. Then the school system led me to mistrust it, its authorities, administrators, teachers, gym coaches, everyone in existence when I moved from Ohio to Florida and came into a tumultuous time period of mediocre education. By the age of 16 I aimed to change the system so that young ones would graduate with intelligence, not just a diploma.

Though I didn't become a full-time teacher, I'm still in my teenage angst that no system is viable enough to teach its members to live successfully and happily. That's why when I entered the YMCA a few weekends ago to sit through an information session for parents for my 12-year-old brother's basketball summer session, I was surprised at the cohesive structure and objectives of the institutions to not only help the players become better shooters and dribblers, but also become team players and learn integrity. The bylaws may be in place, but the reality is untrue. Nevertheless, at least the institution attempts to help its customers succeed.

As an entrepreneur, what devastation is must be not to trust systems. In my mind, I suppose, whatever business structure I set up for my customers may never succeed, so why try? Utterly self-defeating concept. The trigger that which helped me reverse this damaging thought pattern was this summer - and my family's constant need for me.

My mother cooks, cleans, and complains. An acquaintance once said that all women can do is complain. I countered, "it’s because they feel they can't change or control the system." Their emotions are confusing and more powerful than thoughts, and emotions are difficult to explain. Those emotions cloud thought and judgment, making them unable make their situation better.
My father takes care of the home-based business, drives my younger brother and sister to the mall and basketball practice, though often the older sisters are called for such duties. He always asks me or my sister to pick up any ringing telephone.
My older sister (22) attends night classes on Tuesday and Thursday and wants to enjoy jokes and television with me through the day, whereas I rarely watch TV or like the jokes she enjoys hearing/telling
My younger sister (10) is always looking for a playmate, either her two neighborhood friends, me, or my older sister
My brother (12) is usually researching Nintendo-related news and articles online, or in his room playing such games and usually comes to me for advice
I have no room to call my own, as of yet. And whenever I'm in a certain room, any one of them are liable told disrupt my thoughts at any given moment by something insignificant, either that or I'm required to answer the ringing phone.

One might ask, why do I stay at home instead of going elsewhere to read or study? That's an excellent idea. I might head to Barnes and Noble today, but the point of the entry is that I'm beginning to see that systems are necessary. I don't need to recreate a system from scratch, but borrow from several different systems already in existence, and add a personal touch. I can follow the same steps with establishing my accounting firm and education nonprofit.

Age is just a number

2006-07-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's time I start believing that age is just a number. When I turned 20 last year I thought that my now that teen years are over I can quit striving for success since no one will see success after 20 as spectaular as I wish for them to see it. I thought my age would get me attention, whereas my ideas and experiences may be much more significant. Reading Ben Cashnocha's entry this morning entitled Creating your own personal brand name and then an entry on the India, China, Brazil economic success phenomenon, I realized that this was an 18-year-old writing. One who incorporated his own company at the age of 12. Child prodigy? Maybe, but he writes about intelligent topics, does his age factor in? Hardly. Perhaps I see the world though age, and, therefore, am limited by such beliefs.

Just this morning I found myself watching "Rugrats" in its 15-minute segment entirety, something I've not done in years, but I learned that through such creative arts we learn, whether we are 15 or 50. So why not ignore the age factor and BE. I know what knowledge and experiences I've gained over the years, does it have to be tainted with a number called age? Not at all.

Pop culture may help us relate, but will fail to make us successful

2006-07-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

I cannot abandon my former self. The who chose Cory from Boy Meets World as her comedic entertainment, or Will from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as her advisor. Though I knew the Jack and Jill's Chicago outlook was not my reality, I watched and learned from it - or maybe I simply viewed without intelligence.; Perhaps I learned nothing from Usher's "U Got it Bad" and simply listened for aesthetic appreciation, not understanding of people. It, and Jack and Jill was too complex for me to take apart and make my own. But its effects are evident the fan fiction stories I tell. I've tried to duplicate the dark night city scene of Jack and Jill Chicago, and mimicked the Sliders's concept of Dimensions for my fan fiction website. TV Shows like stories or novels are just a depiction of a person's or a group of people's reality. Finding Mariah Carey on Wikipedia which I trusted to be an academic encyclopedia has helped me realized that she and other artists are now our culture, our stories. Our literary forms. Carrie and her friends went to the cafe for coffee and pastries in their Chicago neighborhood (Two of a Kind.) While I'd long wished for a cafe setting to call my own. In college, I was granted my wish after years of hard work at the medical office, I was able to eat at Panera Bread or Starbucks with my friends.

Now at least I have two areas of knowledge: theoretical, olden days (Jane Austen), to today's contemporary. Creative arts help us generate ideas to change our bland reality. Though our reality is quite storybook or drama at times, we fail to realize it in the heat of financial or relational dispute. Like my friend NH said she grew up with Peter Jennings, since her parents religiously watch the 6:30 pm news on ABC. She quotes "He was just always in our house," so she knew his character. Much like I bonded with Carrie on Two of a Kind when I was 14, because she was the cool, new babysitter who traveled Europe and was a blackjack dealer in Las Vegas, and sat on her porch to watch the Chicago Cubs play baseball since it was overlooking the baseball stadium. Like Lorelei Gilmore who drank coffee as religiously as NH's parents watch the ABC news. She would step into Luke's Diner, still entitled William's Hardware after his father's shop, drum upon his counter and ask for the coffee she so desperately needed to feel alive in the morning.

I wanted to be Rory Gilmore. The ultra-intelligent, soft-spoken, yet well-balanced and pretty, bright-eyed young girl who was accepted to the snobbish, yet academic, Chilton Private school where she succeeded in dealing with the peer pressure from her stuck-up peers and attained a respectable position on the school newspaper, a role she coveted. She even went onto study Journalism in college (Yale, of course). Before she even started college, I'd grown ill of the drama of the show and chose instead to rely upon books as my source of knowledge about reality. At age 16 I picked up Linder Ellerbee's (host of Kid's news show Nick News) _Get Real_ a series about a 12-year-old girl ambitiously and assertively implementing a newspaper at her middle school (Trumbull) so that she could be a reporter. Funny how I always gravitated to the smart-girl stories. Even Clarissa Explains it All depicted a 16-eary-old girl wanted to be a journalist. And yet I do not fit that role. Though at one point I considered it, as my friend SA says "I'm my own person." I cannot be put into a category. Though stressing at times that I can't seem to relate to my peers, I thank God for the blessing that I'm confident to be myself.

Stories entertain us and help us relate to our world and people, but they do not help us accomplish much. They gives us a sense of understanding and comfort, as well as entertainment, but like the shows did little for my peer relations at school and my academic success, it will do nothing for my success as the primary employee of my home-based accounting and bookkeeping business. I still have to learn how to file quarterly sales tax reports. Are they even called reports? I’m on the road to find out, God willing.

Possible ramblings on the day's scheduled events

2006-07-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

When one has one's goals planned out, all there is left to do is execute the plan. Yet, I fail to see the fun that is to be had in simply doing. Where is the joy in the carrying such plans out? I'm still considering...

Today as my younger siblings and parents, and I gorged on Cici's pizza's buffet of cheese, spinach, vegetable pizzas and hot cinnimon rolls I realized I wasn't eating or tasting the food in totality. I'd eaten only a dessert dish for lunch, slept 2 hours to complete my 8 hour sleep, and awakened to a Government & Not-for-profit accounting textbook, as well as my Avon catalog from which I had to upload photos onto my website. I ate a dinner meal and more at Cici's pizza, but it wasn't until 1am tonight I realized I was living the life of an experiencer. For weeks these pattern has been occuring. I've locked in paradigms I chose to set up for myself, and now I'm not asserting my abilities to even myself. I've become an accepter.

Accepting the fact that I only needed to eat the food for the sake of my nourishment, not enjoyment
Accepting the fact that I'd gotten only to the point of mediocre knowledge in the subjects I've pursued indepdently (HTML, make-up, story writing, teaching) therefore, how could I possibly master accounting within the next year to take the CPA exam?
Accepting that fact that since my father is not also around or attentive to the his accounting firm (which I am soon to take over) I should not attend to the work, since no one is there to answer my question and solve potential problems
Accepting the fact that I can't be successful being myself

I know what I wish to accomplish, and yet, over the years of so-called failure, I've set up barriers for myself and learned to accept those barriers without struggle or questioning.

I call the past four years of my life my "Literacy Retreat." I've spent those years reading Jane Austen, Edith Wharton, and Benjamin Franklin so that I may be the owner of language - in both reading and writing. I must say, I've seen success. Both my writing and mind has increased in capability.

Just today I revisited my past obession with popular culture by researching Mariah Carey. Being one of my inspirations, Mariah speaks intelligently, unlike most music stars, and has a God-given beautiful voice. She works hard to ensure thatvoice captures emotion, as well as impresses audiences with her 7-octave range. Revisiting my days as a lover of the art of music, I recalled how badly I wished to be famous, then I found, it'd never left me. I still long for the need to be myself, be known, and be paid for it. That vision still drives me, though for long I stifled my creative, pop culture-loving side. I believed it to be only a deturrance to my true goals. As I reflect, though, I reconsider my approach to pop culture. Though at times I may have been lost in the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, other times I keenly reviewed and researched the celebrities. I saw to learn more about life and people. I'm now beginning to learn that instead of seeking to completely close off dimensions of me and my life, why not choose the best of all the worlds I explored and lived in to create my now-desired reality?

This now brings me to the origin of this entry: failing to see the fun in just executing, once the plans are laid. I attempted writing a schedule for myself and following it. I woke up late, I slept during the afternoon, and completed only half of the tasks on the list at unscheduled times. What I learned was that as long as I plan, something will get done,l and the others can be put on the list for tomorrow. Now that I'm creating my own structured life without the confines of classes, planning is seeing relative success in my life. God Willing, tomorrow, shall be more successful, and more on schedule. I've also learned, though, that to have fun, not everything should be scheduled.

Our self-imposed limiting worlds (Audio)

2006-06-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

Our self-imposed limiting worlds

2006-06-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

We fail to see opportunities when stagnate in one lifestyle for too long. This may be a certain workplace, school or stay-at-home career. We believe there's little we can do to change our position in life. Consequently, we see our environments and its conditioning as if that's all there is. Schooling is meant to open our eyes and venues to new opportunities. If we're housewives for six years or working at a large corporation for 6, we fail to see a world outside the one we've created. Schooling and university education can overcome this, but many are unable to attain such an education, especially those working minimum wage jobs trying to sustain a household.

Others feel no need to expand their horizons by attempting something different, since the consequence of failure always exists. Even college educated individuals may graduate and look for a job, only to find disappointment and incongruency between them, their values, and the job. To not be outsiders looking into the world of the rich, the corporate, the vacationing, the intelligent, the extraverted, the successful...let us expand our boundries and attempt things others are too afarid to do to reach our dreams.

Opportunist (Audio)

2006-06-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

The Week of "Me"

2006-06-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

Amazing how young entrepreneurs can feel so stupid around their peers. Jennifer Kushell, in her book The Young Entrepreneur's Edge often mentioned the distance one can feel when around peers who, unlike young entrepreneurs, are attending college and complying with the more traditional demands unspoken by society and parents: Go to college, get a well-paying job, and THEN start your own business. We young entrepreneurs must do things our own way.

This past week was "the week of me." A time for my introverted self to stop, think, and decide what my own goals were since the outside demands of my parents and peers started getting to me. This weekend I laughed and socialized with two of my friends at Islands of Adventure (theme park). One is attending University of Florida studying pre-med, while the other will be attending UCF this Fall with an undecided major, currently Microbiology. This was not the first time I reconsidered my goals and vision after seeing what my peers were aspiring to. I believed them to be successful in the future following the traditional path of college, career, post-grad work, family, etc. Whereas I'm the "idiot" trying to attempt a community oriented project through her entrepreneurial dreams. Not only that, but I graduated with an English Education degree, nothing at all to fuel a successful life, right? I find it paradoxical that young entrepreneurs are some of the brightest in the class, yet while in their start-up stage are struggling to launch businesses while others look at them as if they're naive idealists. What can I say? I'm the fool making karate kicks in my newly tiled living room while others are sitting in front of the TV watching "The OC" or movies. I simply do my things my own way.

Anyway, I asked my readers to hear myself putting a close to my summer vacation and posting a review of my goals before July 3rd. Looking at my Summer 2006 goals, posted in early May, I'm surprised at how different my goals now look. They're driven by the same vision, but are now labeled differently in my mind.

Study for my CPA Exam though reconstructing the material taught into my own words (See Accounting Musings Blog - forgive the oxymoron)
Work with my father to learn more about the accounting/bookkeeping field, eventually be an independent contracter doing bookkeeping
Continue to mentor my young siblings by teaching them religion and helping them build their natural skills/talents (see Youth DO! Project)

As you may have noticed, Avon has no place above. I'm may be quitting that business since, I've earned only $30 profit off of my first catalog, and hardly $5 on the recent one. The legwork involved: delivery, flyer distribution, meeting with individual customers is simply too great in comparison to the profit one makes. Instead of selling the products, I may recruit others to be reps and create my own "downline." I will earn part of their earnings. At least, I've correctly deduced that the profit potential on this business is low, not only that, but I'm more suited to spend half of the time in the office, and half outside (typical introvert) I may need to hire volunteers or interns to do much of the duty (other Avon Reps). I already know some accounting majors who may fit the bill. Even though I may have many future prospects, like Chris Pund's blog says: stop talking about having a business and do it. Begin with one goal and see it to reality.

Opportunist

2006-06-28T04:10:00.000-07:00

I seize opportunities instead of seeking out a particular opportunity. I meet people easily and have been offered jobs in the past simply by knowing people, but now, when no opportunity arises, I feel entrenched in my current condition, with no way out. Not only that, but being me I cannot stand a typical 9-5 job ,that's why I'm currently working as a bookkeeper at my father's home-based accounting firm.

I was able to achieve my AA by wanting a way out of high school, and therefore spoke to my counselor to discover ways to do so, all my life this is the pattern I must follow to find my opportunities, because I predict they will become limited as I remain a bookkeeper, eventual CPA at my father's home-based company and not work at a larger, more established firm.

So, I suppose, one might conclude: if you wish for an opportunity: ask around.

2006-06-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

At one point, summer vacation must end

2006-06-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

As I see myself looking out into the horizon of the setting sun on the beach, I make peace with the thought that summer vacation must end at some point, and it must end soon.

Today is June 23rd - exactly 1 month and 22 days after my summer vacation began on May 2nd. All I see right now is nearly two months worth of wasted, fruitless, resentful error on my part. This morning I created 2 new webpages for myself, yesterday I spent hours updating my older websites, and this past weekend I researched old fan fiction friends and their websites. Granted, I needed freedom to relax. The equivilent of a normal human being's relaxtion by lazying in front of the television is my surfing the internet, or writing stories. But an entire week?! I disappoint myself. If I were in school, I'd at least be attending classes, learning something new, meeting new people, and engaging in hard work. All I've accomplished since the beginning of this summer is indulge in the sensual pleasures of food, minutely entertained friends, bailed on a friend for a Wednesday night movie, studied a paltry amount of accounting for my CPA exam, and started my Avon business. Is this relaxation or a dreadful prediction of my future, lazy self?

I needed an impetus to change my lazy ways. Today may have been that stimulus when I found patterns in my behavior which fearfully revealed themselves to be compliance with the inferior demands of others. Yesterday I made a useless trip to Wal-mart to buy a $7 dollar bag of fish sticks for my 10-year-old sister who selfishly says she'll eat nothing but fishsticks. She ate NONE when she returned home. My parents are molding the youngsters into dependent, mindless, materialistic individuals who will struggle with life unless they are taught the meaning of hard work. I know this because they did similarly for me. Though they shelterd me from any harm, they also fed into me the value of selfishness because of their ever-giving nature which drew an ocean of distance from my peers in high school and college. I can't allow my siblings to suffer the same.

I have a natural caring for the human intellect, I'll likely be a counselor-entrepreneur like Vicky Jo, when I'm older and more experienced. Ever since I was s student-teacher, the lifestyle of a counsler has been ingrained within me. Therefore, when I see another body or instituion taking over my values, goals, and lifestyle, I need to stand up and do something, but it must be one heck of an impetus to get me to change my ways.

I've realized now that I'm a full-time entrepreneur, finished with college, I need to take control, or someone else will.

My mental summer vacation must end, quickly. Now to set a date...July 3rd. You, my readers, have heard it first. Mari's summer vacation will end on July 2nd. She must have prepared a plan for success (Avon, Junto, Friends & Family, CPA Exam) and post it on this blog by that time. There can be no turning back. Or face the vast fields of 2 months worth of FAILURE.

When lack of motivation leaves a trail of wasted time and energy

2006-06-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

A website designer at 14
An online zine editor at 15
A community college graduate at 18
A student-teacher at 19
A completed novel at 20

Having been an active, goal-oriented individual since my adolesence, I become frustrated when I looked back upon my summer on June 2nd, and realized I'd accomplished so litte. Why? Because after a long, stress inducing semester of accounting classes (Cost Accounting, Tax for Businesses, and Accounting Information Systems) I simply wanted to be free do what I wished, without interference or battling thoughts that my creative talents (in writing, in friendship forming, and other entrepreneurial talents) were fruitless. Still, to this day, I wonder what I've done except revisit my hobby of watching cartoons, getting and quitting a job, and starting my own Avon business for which I've had only 10 customers.

Could it be the human need/desire to simply relax? I'm unlike most of my peers in that popular culture, watching television, listening to music, and partying does not appeal to me. Or rather, it does, but I'd much rather not waste my time on such fruitless endeavors. I keep a safe distance from time-wasting pursuits.

The question remains: What do we aspiring entrepreneurs do when we lack motivation after a long semester of school work?
- revisit goals, visions, feelings, desires for that entrepreneurial dream
- relax for a few weeks
- without any obligation, make plans toward your dream, then whenever your ready to work hard toward your goals, pick those plans up again and see if they might work toward your ends

Recovering from disappointment

2006-06-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

Now that I am a graduate, I am free from the binding and structure of the college classroom to guide my daily activities. I have grown to be so independent-minded that I cannot even tolerate a job. I keep a calender of my daily activities to record accomplishments, and lazy days so that, it may serve as a guide for my future self how success is earned. I was utterly frustrated the last three weeks of college that I wanted nothing more than to be finished with its demands. Once summer hit, I planned on spending the next three months of summer catching up on all the interesting bits of knowledge and subject areas I'd missed out on while studying accounting.

Two weeks into summer, my desire to learn may have been fulfilled since I was studying chemistry, astronomy, and Russian history, but my entrepreneurial side was not satisfied. Withint days I sitting with Connie, my district Avon manager, signing up to sell Avon - becoming an entrepreneur. With it I would be interacting my community, learning how to finally be a true entrepreneur instead of just aspiring to it. Now I seek to balance my learning side and entrepreneurial side.

Key to Success: Know Thyself.

Ideas to keep...and toss

2006-06-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

Everyday we're bombarded with new people, ideas, thoughts, possibilities. Processing these ideas becomes a problems because we can be easily influenced by people to think one thing or another -- until we solifidy ourselves, our values, our goals. The problem I've run across today is that my values are generally against most of the people I know and meet. I feel an attempt must be made to uphold a decent vocabulary when speaks. But as I consider this, maybe I should lower my standards. It should be more important to express ideas clearly than speak like a professor, as my intelligent cousin once said.

I'm currently torn between practicality and my idealism. I went to the university today with my sister and saw people who wouldn't be interested in my success workshops. College students who are either academically inclined and studying engineering, medicine, or accounting, struggling artists and liberal arts majors, and practical college bound individuals who expect to go to college, enjoy their time, get out and be handed a job. No aim for personal success - they think a college degree will suffice.

Then, driving my sister home from work at a tutoring center, I wondered why I was accepting being a failure by living freely as an entrepreneur, not taking classes in the fall, while she suceeds in her Taxation Master's classes and awaits an internship at a large accounting firm next summer. Just yesterday a man looked down upon me wondering why a young girl was handing him a business card for my father's accounting firm. Will they never believe I'm capable of running my own business? Jennifer Kushell is my inspiration today. Maybe believing in myself, as she writes in her book The Young Entrepreneur's Edge, is my only source of motivation today.

In An Attempt to Relate...

2006-06-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

How significant is an expenditure of $1.25 a week in the course of a month? Most people might say, wholly insignifcant. I must agree, then why do I constantly keep myself from making any such purchases since I don't have a steady job right now? Saving every penny when I spend in nothing but gas and toll during my personal and business (Avon) trips, will not help. What I save is too insignificant an amount to deplete my income.

After that introduction I'd like to ask pardon from my readers due to the poor motor skills acting within my fingertips. Why? Didn't sleep until 2am after a coffee break at 10pm. Speaking of coffee breaks, I recall writing. Being a professional writer. The thought seems both comforting and poverty-giving. Right now, I'm communicating with a computer screen through a keyboard. Does this make me more of an entrepreneur or writer? What dissonance runs like a vein through my life. Throbbing at the thought of meeting with new people sometimes, while other times beating for longing of solitude.

A recent great disappointment in people has resulted is this caving into myself. I've been trying to meet new people to increase my Avon sales and enjoy the novelty, but I fail to see the individuality in them. I see the college students around me striving for a degree which, upon graduation they will attain a job for the sake of montary brilliance, buy huge houses, cars, and pay as little attention to their work as possible while purusing other forms of instant gratification. Will my generation ever grow up? I've been waiting since the age of 16 for them to do so, and yet a recent Reader's Digest article stated that more and more 24 to 34 year olds are living at home with their parents. How can I waste my time relating to people whom I do not respect? As an entrepreneur I don't plan to run a business in selfish, greedy way. I wish to develop a relationship with my customers, not talk about frivolties. Where do I find the balance? Like my cousin said, maybe I give up too easily... Besides, aren't I the one at the age of 21 still living at home with my parents...?

Beauty classes abound, how can I seize a piece of the pie?

2006-06-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

I took out my _Bobbi Brown_ beauty book, Kevyn Aucoin's _Face Forward_ and sat down my 10-year-old sister, and unpaid employee for a formal meeting to decide how I will design and hold my beauty classes as the next project as an Avon representative. Watching the Asian make-up artist yesterday complete a face of make-up on my friend at the Lancome counter, I revisited my youth of carousing around Dillards admiring the products. I learned the art of salesmanship from this lady and recalled all that I'd pushed into the back of my mind about make-up. Remembering all of this I decided this morning to proceed with my plans to hold beauty classes.

Unfortunately in today's world, from internet site to magazines to newspapers, it seems as though everyone is trying to give beauty advice. Why would older women, buyers of Avon products trust a youthful looking 21-year-old to teach them about make-up when they've already tried from what they see on the TV to what they learn on ivillage how to put make-up on themselves. Nevertheless, whether 1 or 100 people attend the class I'll try to enjoy the occasion and teach them what I know. Not only that, but just planning the class opens mental and doors to reveal confidence in developing future classes on a myriad of subjects. God Willing, it will all work out to its best.

Fear of rejection must be rejected

2006-06-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

Sleep and 1.5 episodes of the Hey Arnold, one of the only intelligent and entertaining show I've watched in my youth, this morning have eased the anger residing in myself from the want of trying to please others. I'd never felt the need to please to others ever since high school since I was always engaging myself in some task of my own creation (make-up, writing stories, inventions). Being such an introvert I hadn't constantly needed people around, until last May when I went from a teaching internship to accounting, a change of career. Then I went onto campus confidently meeting as many new people as I could with new found real-world teaching experience under my belt. If those students were raucous, my peers would much more polite and enjoyable to communicate with. Through a year of trying to assimilate I eventually became more like them in speech than myself. I no longer used eloquent words such as "exceptional," "vernacular," or "astude," for the sake of not intimidating them. Now, a year later, I'm finding it difficult to approach potential customers in a confident way since I've been acting to please for a year. Amazing how social conformity can condition one to do things against one's will.

Entrepreneurs cannot fear facing rejection to a great extent, and that confident that I lost over the years is what I need to gain to repossess that lesser degree of fear of rejection. God Willing, I'll see myself through...

Fear prevails over an less trodden path

2006-06-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

On errands to dismiss my traffic violation I went to the county courthouse, asked a young boy and girl how long they'd been standing in line to determine how long I might have to wait, shortly thereafter I asked the girl if she's interested in Avon, to which is answered "Yes, I love to look at make-up." How rewarding to initiate potential sale! Because I couldn't give her the only catalogs I had in my purse I asked for her email address and said I'd send her a link to view the catalog online.

Anyway, after the courthouse I drove to the library and obtained the following books only for the sake of their being interesting:

The Oz Principle: Getting Results through individual and organizational accountability by Roger Connors, Tom Smith, and Craig Hickman - The titled sounded intriguing. I'm a literary, therefore the relation to Oz and contemporary business practices and successes.
Motivating and Rewading Employees by Alexander Hiam - I don't have employees, but I know that I myself and other people around me are motivated by different ways. I'm hoping this book can provide me with some insight.
Managing Generation X by Bruce Tulgan - See above.
Mompreneurs by Patrica Coke and Ellen H. Parlapiani - I am, by no means, a mother, but the responsibilities I've taken upon myself toward my preteen brother and sister, and living in a home where I must answer to the demands of my sustainers (food and shelter givers - parents) I feel as though duties around the house are great sometimes. Distractions are inevitable. Reading a few pages of this I've learned that I don't need a book telling me how to logically run my home-based (for now) business(es) I need inspiring stories, and abstract concepts to relate to my business since I'm an artful creative thinker (INFJ). Being an INFJ my introverted thinking function kicks in when my feelings are alerted to a thought, idea of situations.

Though this impromtu book hunt I've gained the realization that I learned from new, creative ideas. Not logic, since I can conjure my own logic giving the facts. Knowing oneself is a key to success.

Now I must proceed to email the girl I met who was interested in my products...

Secrets to Success

2006-06-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when my 12-year-old brother enthusiastically (he rarely shows excitement or enthusiasm) showed me the 1.5 hr long press conference Nintendo had in May promoting their newest creation the Wii: an interactive gaming system for even non-gamers, I recalled all the online newsletters he receives on new games, gaming magazines, and other promotions. He spends his waking hours playing Gamecube, PS2, DS, and was even playing my old Super Nintendo last night. He is quite focused in his interests, whereas I, at that age was happily involved in writing stories on my Creative Writer program, playing a few video games, interacting with online buddies, and enjoying tunes on Nickelodean. I had a many varied interests, but he is very focused. By 8th or 9th grade I think he'll had figured out how institutions work together to achieve success. Nintendo has a new system, it launches a spectacular press release bring out the emotions of consumers to get them involved in their new gaming system and finally selling millions. He's intelligent, (praise be to God) so he'll not have difficulty later on knowing how to use the system to achieve his own success. It took me a few years longer to learn that I was intelligent, as human beings are meant to be, by the divine. But the enthuasiam I feigned about teaching during my interview for the teaching scholarship 3 years ago, made me a successful winner of it. Even so, today, I'm not teaching. Does that I mean I was unsuccessful? Looking at the following you may think I am...

Yesterday I realized how quickly my bank funds will deplete when I have to pay back my student loans in the next few months, since I've now graduated. I also frightfully realized that my income from Avon will be a palty $80/month, IF that. How am I possibly to live on such meager amounts of income. Even though I'm currently living with my parents, I still have car insurance and gas to pay on my own and have quit my full-time job as a promotional specialist, which lasted a week. Why? Because I know very well that I am unhappy in structured environments (a job) and know that I will like none other than to work for myself.

I've read more success books than almost anyone I know my age:

Wishcraft by Barbara Sher
The Success Principles by Jack Canfield
I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What it Was by Barbara Sher
Finding your North Star by Martha Beck
The Young Entrepreneur's Edge by Jennifer Kushell
Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi
Secrets of the Young and Successful by Jennifer Kushell

By the time I started reading Kushell's second book, I began to see an evident pattern in success books. How does one attain success? Develop a goal/vision, turn it into a money-making strategy by becoming an expert in that field, network to find people to help, and perservere.

I know what I know as I've said before. I took the luxury of the time I had in high school to write rigorously, daily, and learn many trades: make-up artistry, editing newsletters, learning how to start a business, volunteering to teach, and though it all earned a teaching scholarship which allowed me to quit working that medical office billing job after junior year in college. Then I concentrated on completing my full-time internships and reading classical novels to make my literacy skills my strongest asset. Why? So that I was not reliant upon anyone else for knowledge, I could gain it on my own through reading. Like Benjamin Franklin, I'm a constant self-improver. That is how I achieved my intermediary goals of literacy and gaining entrepreneurial skills. It took me years to understand the systems around me, and how I can use them to achieve my goals, with the help of God, of course.

Anyway, knowing that I am investigative and artistic (from the eChoices career assessment program) and an entrepreneur has helped focus my goals. I know I cannot work for anyone else, so I've cornered my ideal work environment. But yesterday was a blow to my ego that I could not possibly survive on Avon's income, nor the $60/month salary I receive from my father doing bookkeeping for his Accounting firm start-up. The only way I can prevent myself from having to immediately pay back my student loans/scholarship is by becoming enrolled in a Master's program in the fall, which I run from like the wind.

Last semester stole away confidence and happiness from me with its structured tests, projects, and other useless jargon my accounting classes put upon me. From them I have a great resistance to any accounting knowledge, so I deemed this summer meant for my own personal endeavors. Unfortunately I cannot go on having fun forever, besides, fun does not lead to success and productivity. What I need is to find a path of least resistance to my goals, and last night, with an epiphany I found one.

The only way to earn a steady income without having to get a job is by using my accounting skills to veer into that industry. My sister found a state in which I can sit for the CPA exam having completed only 12 hours (4) accounting (3000-level or higher) classes. I can fulfill my duty to my parents by becoming a CPA through a personal study course which is what I started my summer with in other areas (chemistry, history, astronomy...) sit for the exam after having self-educated and work with my father to build his accounting firm, God Willing.

I know I've succeeded in the past by self-educating myself in chemistry and astronomy, and I also know I can learn by association. With my many, varied interests I have knowledge in many areas which I can relate to studying accounting by university classes will not allow for that. God Willing, I can succeed in teaching accounting to myself - the path of least resistance to my goals. The mother of one of my good friends is a skin specialist (recently graduated from beauty school), her husband is a car salesman with his own business, my father owns his own accounting business, and I've LONG been interested in having my own. I have the inspiration around me, and the comfort of my own home and family to achieve my success. You may have others. Try to find the way of least resistance to your goals, and reach down back into your history of success and knowledge to find that way. God willing, you shall find a way to succeed, as will I.

Feeling the shoes of the entrepreneurial role

2006-06-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today was quite a busy day for this entrepreneur. A day at the university solidified my belief that I am now an full-fledged, independent businessperson. After running an unecessarily hour-long errand for my father I...

went to the Job strategies workshop
sold a perfume to a new girl I met who surprisingly lived closed to my city
started outlining beauty classes I will hold in the future
took the eChoices career test at the university career resources lab and found that instead of being enterprising and artistic, I'm artistic and investigative. I finally agree to this resolution about my interest level. I'm now thankfully fulfilling it by being an Avon representative. Though, I realized yesterday I will not be earning a great deal of cash on this due to the low comission percentage, but if this business fails, I'm have fun doing it now, and start another. That's the typical entrepreneurial pattern.
I ate lunch with my sister at Subway
Rested at the university Barnes and Noble with a religion book in my hand, and a book of Benjamin Franklin's writings in my lap
At 6:30 I had an employee come to me and ask to be my secretary: my 10-year-0ld sister. Yes, she was with me the entire time I spent on campus. She typed up my business and other expenses, calorie in-take, and pertinent information about new potential customers I met while I planned my beauty classes on the first floor of the library. Quiet, and comfortable. Only 1 group of students occupied a study room that Summer evening
Finally, my sister and I prayed, held a mini lesson about beauty and religion in the study room and drove home. I had to stop my two sisters from wanting to stop for dessert since the parents were ringing our cell phones in anticipation of our arrival home.

Though it all I realized that I now have much of what I wished: resources, start-up investment, talent, knowledge, skills. But having it all does not always translate to be extremely production. In fact, one might not know where to begin. This is what I fear I'll face for the next few weeks until I learn how to create my own success.

The untraditional pathway to success looks grim

2006-06-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

My older sister is lazyily slouched in the living room couch watching our That Girl DVD on the big screen only 3 hours before she must leave for class, and I just signed up for Jack Canfield's free tele-seminar to learn more secrets of success. I've been working for 5 years to reach success doing what I love most and am still living in my parents home without a steady stream of income, while she's taking auditing, management, and partnership tax (graduate course) and being successful. Next year when she's interning at Grant Thorton (medium-sized accounting firm) I'll be even more depressed still living in my parents home and eating angel food cake to drown my worries - like I did this morning.

I'm willing to apply and try to get into the Master's in Taxation program, as is my parent's wish, but not until I've assured myself that I can create my own success. I took an entire summer off, unthinkable for this so-called academic, to do. Why am I so afarid of failure when at the age of 16 I felt no hinderance in making great plans to be a successful cosmetics company CEO? I know that I want to succeed as an entrepreneur doing what I love and naturally do, but I'm not sure what that is yet since I'm a person of a myriad talents, but this summer I'm finding out what I love.

Maybe I'm too young yet to know. That's an excuse I fail to accept. Jennifer Kushell, author of The Young Entrepreneur's Edge says otherwise, and I trust her to tell me I'm not too young to know what I want and succeed in obtaining it. I simply need to pursue a goal, and see what happens. I'm currenttly selling Avon, a few months from now I may be launching an entire company based on my blog entries - we shall only have to wait and see.

Illogical thinker and doer

2006-06-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

Being an INFJ, I'm a heavily right-brained individual, but my Judging (J) function causes complications when deciding the most useful approach to completing a task. The J function desires logic and order, whereas the NF, artistic/creative function desires free-flowing thoughts, spontaneity, care-free ways of completing tasks. How do I find the balance?

My average day consists of:

some blog writing
working part time as a bookkeeper
mentoring my younger siblings
some story writing
networking for selling Avon
socializing
reading for my own knowledge (books on chemistry, religion, general science, and entrepreneurship

I've finally gotten myself to the point that I control my schedule, at least for the time period of this summer, but still, I have difficulty completing all that I need to in a day to be a successful writer, entrepreneur, learner, and mentor.

Partial solutions:

combine socializing and networking for Avon since I find my work (Avon) part of my joy time with others
story writing will require some goals, since now I am looking forward to publication. I need to schedule some time to write daily, or I may never complete my second novel
Though my father is flexible with my work hours, I need to designate the time I work as a bookkeeper
Mentoring my siblings consists of ensuring they pray, read the holy book, and watch television with them occasionally and discuss the social issues presented in it so they don't feel they've been left on their own as to learn how to grow and what to do in life. I can't allow television to be their teacher.
Blog writing occurs spontaneously, when the NF function is inspired
My reading on chemistry requires time and effort, I may need to schedule this, but I'm not yet sure how willing my right-brained dominant self will enjoy that

Planning costs nothing

2006-06-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

Ever since Thursday I've been avoiding planning for huge success for my Avon business because I feared failure, and therefore, the time spent on the business a great loss of time. Then my father said something intelligent tonight on the way home from a party.

"What's the harm in planning? It costs nothing." He was speaking about building a sunroom in the back of the house and my mother said that he dreams of great home developments, but knows he'll never have the money to see theses dreams into reality. Regardless, he left me, in my optimistic state of mind, with the impetus to make happen what I wish with my Avon business. Within me is an unspoken vision about what I want to achieve by meeting people and selling Avon products, since it's not just about the sale for me. This unspoken vision needs an outlet. Instead of hindering myself from planning, I will dive into the depths of great plans tonight, God Willing.

While I prepare for that, here's a list of the entrepreneur's accomplishments for the day:

Updated old websites and cleared my desktop of all the excess ideas I have for entries or business related tasks
Read a book by Karen Armstrong on the history of Islam to discover the truth behind the media hype
Spoke to my cousin from California about being one's true self in front of people, even when that means being less often accepted
Called a girl (Pali) I met at Wal-mart from my university about buying Avon, she said she might like to spent some social time together later in the summer. Meanwhile I reminded her about showing her an Avon catalog
Taught brother and sister about God (part of my mentorship goals)
Passed an Avon catalog around at a party to my mom's friends as well as my own

Genuinity

2006-06-03T23:01:00.000-07:00

Keith Ferrazzi writes in his book, Never Eat Alone, that to maintain positive relationships one should not send out a yearly New Year's card to everyone in your contact list on Outlook, but specialize each card, or better yet, contact each person yearly on a different holiday/occasion and write/speak to the person in way that builds the relationship not stagnates it, or makes the contact seem ingenuine. This orange-colored goodie I read at my trip to OBT's Barnes and Noble led me to think abou my long-held philosophy of not doing something unless its genuine, truthful, from the true me instead of a persona of me. Then why is it so difficult to live this philosophy? Why do I feel pulled in many directions in terms of meeting the needs of others? Because to live harmoniously with others we must oblige them to some extent. I know that God has asked me to be a tolerant individual. One who understands the needs of others and attends to them nicely, cordially if they're friends or guests. I've also learned over the past few years that my high-strung nature is not typical of my laid-back Floridian peers, so I accept it. Sometimes annoyed by their lack of understanding of my drive to suceed and abstainance from television and music, but I accept it. They are who are they and I am who I am. I will not change that for their sake, because if I do, I will lose myself, and the world will lose the real me. For this I admire Christina Aguilera. Not being afarid of who she is is a voice of reason for me when others make me constantly conform.

We all have a need to be understood

2006-06-03T22:13:00.000-07:00

A long 3-hour conversation with a good friend at Barnes and Noble today revealed that although I'm a young, driven entrepreneur, I have the same inherent concerns as any other woman.

A drive for education and competence
The need to feel good about my physical self
Taking care of the needs of the loved ones I have around me
Independence
Career success
Relation to other woman my age

My friend, Sami, walked in dressed in flare jeans and a light pink striped button down blouse with a white tank underneath returning from casual day at a work - a customer service call center at a bank. At 19 I would say she is doing rather well in terms of career, building her intellect (majoring in psychology in in hopes for a Ph.D. in the subject), relating to others, asserting her independence, and being a servant to God, whatever her religion may be. Today I met her in hopes to alleviating this burden I feel from the people around me.

Ever since I started my own business as an Avon representative (last Tuesday) I've been trying to call my friends, relate to them, and hope that they would at least take a look at my Avon catalog to discover a product that they may need. My aim is to make Avon available to them, since I'm quite proud that it offers jewelry, hygiene items (deodorant), cosmetics, and skincare products (Anew), not to coerce them to buy. Regardless, being an entrepreneur I need to learn to relate to my customers first. This need to relate, over the past week has turned into a need to please. Instead of offering Avon, I began inviting my friends over for make-overs and watching television. Though I've enjoyed television in the past, I'm currently at a point where I must abstain from it. If I don't keep the tube turned off, I may gain more of a bias with that knowledge it disseminates instead of knowledge in its own objective form.

Anyway, this need to please, made me realize I was completely acting against my values and goals. I had been doing so for weeks. I quit my sales promotions job at the resort on Thursday because it did not fit my value system, but mainly because I needed to strike out on my own. Assert my independence, own my own business. I did just that by calling Avon.

when bursted out in frustration at others at my sister this morning, I realized I'd been agitated for too long. Trying to please others by obliging their desire to go to the movies constantly, shop, or talk about ordinary daily events was acting against my values. I enjoy speaking about such things, but eventually I'd like to enjoy an intellectual discussion. This need to please others had reached a level that was making me not me any longer, and therefore a pent of frustration finally relieved itself in front of my sister. But not until my meeting with Sami was I able to feel someone actually understood my frustrations about trying to please instead of trying to be me.

Now, past midnight, I can relax because tomorrow morning I shall, God willing, not be a desirous to please others but to do what I do best, meet my goals as an entrepreneur, and be a typical woman.

It's my life

2006-06-03T03:54:00.000-07:00

I avoided calling my friends to tell them that I am now selling Avon for fear that they might think I'm only trying to sell them something. I mixed in some general social talk with the Avon news and information about my web address, but of the majority of the day I avoided calling the people I knew.

I pull myself away from my coffee and angel food cake breakfast this morning to write this significant entry on entrepreneurship. As I've aged, I've grown a bit more dependent than I'd like. For this reason I've learned to please people, and I've learned to assert myself. Where does this leave me today? Focusing heavily on pleasing others instead of asserting myself and my true desires. One of the only reasons, besides God's will, I actually decided to write this entry was a note I found in my old "Cosmo 'trep" files. A textbook I'd created at the suggestion of Jennifer Kushell in her book _The Young Entrepreneur's Edge_. She recommended her readers to learn all about their industry of interest and create a binder full of such articles, news, etc. In this impressive binder I created when I was 16 I found a typed page of notes which said: "Don't worry if others think you're smart[selling something/unintelligent/unsuccessfull/skeptical] or not. It's YOUR life." What an intelligent young girl.

I know I've spent years learning the art of make-up and business of entrepreneurship. I also know we well that I enjoy speaking to people and telling them what I like and know, but social cordiality is hindering me. One reason is because I became depenedent upon my elder sister, who I took accounting classes with last semester, to help me study and and succeed in those rigorous classes - now I've forgotten my self-assured, entrepreneurial, charismatic self. I was also jealous that a friend of mine when I was younger was much more talkative and well-liked than myself, and now, I have some of that charisma he once had. Why don't I use it? Afarid of failure? Or afarid of success?

All my activities, like Boltzmann's entropy (chaos) theory?

2006-06-02T06:04:00.000-07:00

As I reflect this morning upon my independence, I wonder why chose not to become part of the IB (International baccalaureate) program in high school when all my "smart" friends at the end of 8th grade chose to pounce on such a scholastically recognizing opportunity. Over the past few years (my first few years in college) I regretted not being pushed academically in high school when I watched my new IB friends complain about the intense amount of work they were given and rejoice about the strong friendships they've created. While I, on the other hand, struggled to re-learn how to read to succeed in my literature courses. Why wasn't I part of IB and decided instead of tread my own path to success to earning my AA degree in high school? Because I am, as my friend said last weekend, "my own person." To look at all the haphazard organizations I've participated in over the past few years is amazing and confusing:

Key Club - Volunteering/community oriented club in high school. (I also wanted to join the environmental club but a long-haired skater-turned-academic boy named Matt M. was president and seemed quite disorganized. They hardly spoke of the environment. I could not be a part of disorganization. )

Latin Club - Mrs. R. the most cookiest and most fun of all language teachers asked us to be a part of it, so we did, and had no meetings whatsoever.

National Honor Society - Very few honor roll students are not a part of this

Valencia Foundation - After I graduated with my AA upon graduation from high school I began receiving cards from the Valencia Foundation thanking me for my support. I recently (4/1/06) attended a Community Talk discussing the achievement gap among community college students and ways to improve this. Without attempt, I apparently became a part of what I now see is a wonderful foundation.

Minority Programs in Education (MPIE) - a scholarship and support group for minority Education majors

Junior Achievement - organization which recruits businesspeople and community members to teach in local schools about free enterprise

Student Entrepreneurship Society (CEO Knights)- a club full of young (aspiring) entrepreneurs.

American Chemical Society - A surprisingly creative club with a few members at my chapter who love chemistry, and eat and discuss the chemical make-up of M&MS and simply enjoy each other's company.

I'm one versatile individual who an easily drive herself insane, but I enjoy it all.

First day as a full-time entrepreneur

2006-06-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

I finished distributing flyers 3/4 of the way around my immediate neighborhood five minutes before the overhead clouds started pouring down rain. My 10-year-old sister and her friend helped me walk around the neighborhood placing flyers at the doors of fellow neighbors. They were rolling on their wheel-infused sneakers (called heelys) while I trotted around in a blazer and black floral skirt.

This, though, was not how the morning started. On Tuesday I entered the office of the resort I worked a week for as a sales/promotions representative and requested to work part time, since my feet hurt with blisters on my walk around plazas to set these sweepstakes boxes I was to place. Last night, after some thought that started due to my being angered and annoyed at my siblings unnaturally, I decided the job was worse for me than it was paying. My time and energy was overbooked, in a sense, and therefore, I would quit the following morning. After I returned home from an 8 hour day I resumed to read some science-related books to fufill my goals of becoming an intellectual, work a few hours at my father's accounting office, and then emailing and phoning friends. There simply was no time for the family - which, by the way, consists of 4 children and 2 parents in the same small house.

On Tuesday I met with my Avon district representative and began making flyers and uploading the catalog onto a photo album, as well as sending out emails to begin my sales. The first order is due this coming Tuesday. Yesterday I spent the morning at the theme park with a friend who's been wanting to go with me for quite some time, so I had to oblige her.

Regardless, although I enjoy writing about my days in a narrative format, a list would be a more time effective way to describe my daily happenings:

Resigned from promoitions positions at resort
Delivered one final sweeptakes box to Gifts and Tees shop
Distributed Avon flyers into subdivision close to my friend's house B. Lakes Estates (middle class area, became tired after two short roads)
Traveled to doctor's offices to place my Avon books for which some offices allowed for one - one for the receptionists, one for the patients waiting rooms (Dr's offices, I find just may be an excellent target for placing these books because a huge population of somewhat educated minorities work there. One office I went into Sports & Family medicine, an African American lady asked for a copy for herself, but I had only 2 remaining so I asked her to look at the copyI left at the office. Learned two things: 1. missed sales opportunity 2. older woman familar with Avon brand tend to at least look at the books if not buy the products)
Home, tired, ate a half-way burt oven-prepared frozen pizza and enlisted the help of my sister and her friend to help me distribute Avon flyers in my neighborhood
Typed entry after such rigorous exercise (distributing flyers is an excellent way to get exercise - this Avon business is providing with the opportunity to meet many of my goals, praise be to God)
I received an email from a girl requesting my help regarding school choices - from a personal make-up related website of mine. I also have a webpage up called "I Hate Highschool" for the geeks and nerds of high school frustrated with the social tyranny with in that I faced myself. I'm learning that if you offer someone help, he/she will receive. As entrepreneurs what we're doing is in deed helping making lives easier. Praise be to God.
12:45 pm - three girls, my sister and her two friends "reported for duty" as my linguistically excellent sister said, to take flyers and distribute them to the 1/4 part of the neighborhood I missed. How marvelous to have free workers. My tip: Use any free resource you can get, my fellow young entrepreneurs. I waved the three off with a "Good luck girls!" and they enthuasiatically remarked "Thanks!" how 10-year-olds become so excited about such mundane tasks.

What next, you ask? I now ensure that my catalog is visible online, remain online and keep cell phone near for any orders, do some work for my father's accounting firm, and maintain pace with my reading. An entrepreneur's day is never done, but I'm glad after years of thinking and planning to become an entrepreneur I've finally taken the leap, a leap I could not have taken if my personal vision was blurred or nonexistant within my field of work. With Avon, it looks possible that I can support education, educate others, hold beauty classes, and enjoy myself. God Willing...

Update:

1:15pm - Went to ensure no harm came to my little helpers after they'd distributed the last flyers. They were playing dolls in G's garage and I congratulated them on a job well done. I even mentioned the incentive or a few coins if I get some make-up orders. I made sure I mentioned its a "maybe" not absolute.

Upon midnight productivity

2006-06-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

Upon launching my health and make-up websites I write: Though I may be shivering and painfully fatigued upon this artificial wakefulness (caffeine from coffee) I am awake to achieve all that I'd forgone this weekend in which I obliged others for hours. It is now time for me to oblige myself and my goals.

Note to self: I can change the world by just being me, I don't have to face lose papers in my room, all I must do is type to express myself and hope it helps others. Assert my merits, successes and how I achieved them.

Ever get the feeling you're in this alone?

2006-05-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

Frustrated after a long ride home from Universal Studios Orlando I thought about arriving home to attend to my first Avon duties and enter some checks as an employee for my father's accounting firm. Then I realized I was driving far away from a my friend, sister, and my friend's aunt, traveler to England, China, and living a month in Italy. Though I wasn't exactly amused at the amusement park even though cheering for the Ice coaster at Dueling Dragons or laughing hysterically to pump up the fun for myself and others at the end of one round of the neon green Hulk coaster. Over the past year I've sadly learned that most of my friends would much rather abstain from any philosophical and intellectual talk during social gatherings. So I've resigned myself to spending less time with them, and entertaining them as best I can while I'm with them. I try to initiate conversation about the chemical make-up of the table or the purpose of religion, but the energy required for this introvert to even think up something intellectual substaintial to speak of is draining enough to not be rejected for sparking intelligent talk. Most of this summer, which began 5/2/06,has been spent in studying science (ps115), starting a job as a salesperson, recently worst of all, pleasing others. The joyfulness of the visit to IOA (Islands of Adventures) was partly created by me. My normally introverted friend began talking to both my sister and myself about her school days, how history is difficult, and her trip last year to IOA. With me she enjoyed laughs and screams on rides. Now, question, was it worth 6 hours of my morning to please others, as I did last weekend and weekends before? I enjoy amusement to some extent, but other times I would much rather read to expand my mind or pursue a worthy endeavor, such as selling Avon. Which, by the way, I began yesterday when I met with my district representative. A friend of mine said that people lose money trying to sell Avon, but I know quite well I can advise others on cosmetics. Besides, entrepreneurs are risk takers, right? Entrepreneurs know well what they can do, and seek advice from others to see it into fruition. With some hlep from Tom Hopkins of How to Master the Art of Selling and Sarah and Paul Edwards of Secrets of Self-Employment, I spent the hours of 2am to 4am reading as much as I could to shift my mind to an independent, entrepreneurial, profit-oriented mindset. I planned on distributing my Avon flyers around the neighborhood this morning but my amusement-loving sister pulled me out of bed at 7:15 this morning to go to a theme park. Still, I'm frustrated of it being such a waste of time, because I have rounds to make around the local small business communty offering my father's accounting services and distributing Avon books, flyers, etc. That is exactly why I requested to work part time at BG corp as a promotions specialist and received it. Thanks be to God. For Avon, so far, I've launched a website, created an IM for individual beauty chat, and am considering holding beauty classes at my home. My three years experience with cosmetics and application during the ages of 15-18 should come in quite handy. I've also updated my myspace account to reveal Avon as the company I now work for, but I expect little seriousness on the part of my friends as my being a sales rep. Sure, there is much to accomplish, as is there always for me, and feeling as though I'm trying to do everything on my own is demanding and instills the idea of quitting. Being an INFJ, my ENFJ friend and myself have already accepted the fact that no one truly understands how we think, and I close myself in on this belief. One example is not asking for reccommendations on good books teaching one how to be a sales person. I could have asked my supervisor, some entrepreneur friends of my father, online groups, but I've too often experienced a disappointment from getting book reccommendations. Why? Because I almost never like any popular book. I'm tolerating the basal language of Hopkins book - a book I picked up on my way to the South Chase library last night in a need to strike out for independence after work. See? I do so much in a day, but is it all fruitful? When one is on one's own, that's not always so, but we must trudge along by seeking help from others. Yes, I need to teach myself to trust people. Even after they've condemned my studying and speaking like Jane Austen's writing as socially unacceptable? Yes, even so. What a complicated world we live in...or is rather that I make things complicated? Are entrepreneurs known for that? This one just may come to be.

The INFJ cuts off the world

2006-05-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

To understand the INFJ would be difficult for anyone, especially when she 's chasing her ardent dreams and one morning suddenly stops because of lack of support. Support she cut off upon her own doings.

Last night I talked and played Taboo and cards with three old friends, and three new potential friends from the hours of 6pm to 10pm but by 9pm she'd slowly detached herself from the this charade of games and so-called "fun" when she realized she was only entertaining people, being funny for their sake, and going along with their desires. One is a recent IB graduate and the other is completing her Physician's Assistant graduate program this summer. Two girls heavily pressured by their medical internships and high academic demands from school that they could not stand to hear a word of Shakespeare, Ben Franklin, or Isaac Newton because it wreaks of undue demands upon them: school. I prefer to enjoy intellectual conversation and leave a place having learned something new, but since I prevented myself from saying anything intellectual for the sake of their happiness and for fear of being socially disliked, I shut myself off from the entire gala. On automatic I ran from my friend's car to the clubhouse kitchen and returned dishes, paper rolls, and plastic utensils as the night came to a close. Nothing more. When I come home I stayed awake a few hours to begin archiving the work I'd accomplished over the years following up upon some advice an ESTP mother gave to me: Be yourself, and others will follow by example.

This morning I am still frustrated that I cannot easily change people, but I leave it to my weak thinking function, which is ignited only through the feeling function, to devise ways to make the changes I wish to see, otherwise I'll be a reculse learning, doing, and thinking for my sake alone, and not seeing my vision into reality. People, though, are beginning to utterly bore me. We learn from each other, but without a context, it has little relevance. With no obligations we flit around as if we always have something better to do, but instead resign to engage ourselves in minute amusements: make-up, food, tea, novels, movies, anyone? But maybe I simply need to find the right people to inspire me to fulfill my vision, unfortuantely at this point, I'm adverse to change, since changing may mean the loss of the true me. This, I see, then, is where I go wrong. Wanting to change things, but unwilling to change myself.

What's to keep the 'trep from trekking?

2006-05-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

Sure, I may be upset at the fact that I had to make an unexpected trip to headquarters this afternoon and am having problems with my car's starter/alternator, but I suppose I've had a somewhat successful day as a promotions specialist. I've placed my "quota" of 10 boxes and am now thankfully relaxing at home with two blisters on my foot due to the boots I travel from store to store in, and am trying to with my creative might to set my volatile entrepreneurial mind at ease since there are many projects which I'm planning on appoaching this summer.

In "Making the Mental Shift to Independence" (Edwards, Secrets of Self-Employment) I've learned that we are taught not to make it on our own, since school disciplines us to follow structure and rules. That is why we make such compliant employees. An entrepreur is much more flexible in his mindset. I'd like to become a markerting coordinator and bookkeeper with my father's company, as well as an Avon representative this summer (not to mentioned finish writing my second novel). Though I have projects lined up, my brain immediately weighs heavily on me like lead after work. Though I have the energy to continue working, I'm unsure where to head next with my projects. As a writer I can simply jump into writing a scene I have imgained in my mind, but how shall I begin on a plan to success working with the home-based accounting firm and Avon? Plans. I must have plans tailored to success. This is where the conflict occurs. If I plan to run door to door as a salesperson dropping of flyers for the accounting firm or Avon, how will I know I'm being successful? What places shall I go? What's to keep up my persistance in the face of rejection? What is a project fails? Failure has occured many times during my scheduled writing sessions. I've been left staring at a blank screen, becoming frustrated and uprooting from my chair in anger because I could not think of anything good enough to write.

What's to keep this entrepreneur from trekking onward, without feeling lead in her forehead weighing her down? Plans and tentative goals. Okay, let me give it a try for one afternoon. God Willing, I shall succeed, and report back.

The Education Writer Speaks

2006-05-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

The past two days have been example days that which stand for the reason I started my informational website: Erudition Education. Last night I attended a lecture where I attempted to stop two boys from hitting each other (likely 4to 7 years old). One wide-eyed boy with macadamia nut colored skin said "You're retarded" and started shouting out obscenities. They both tried to gain attention throughout the entire hour and a half by running around behind the lecture hall, hitting other children, and laughing every time. Even my stern expression did not faze them, I expect this is due to my small youthful face and stature. I'd forgotten that outside my self-governed household of children (my brother 12, my sister 10) out-of-control youngsters wreck havoc in schools, day care centers, and continue to be misunderstood by society, forget trying to obtain an education. I was appalled at their behavior, and their disobedience to me when I have my younger brother and sister mostly under control, and free of dirty mouths. The scene and experience was unbelievable. If their behavior were to persist, I could hardly believe they'll give themselves chance at an education, not take it for granted.

The Driven Entrepreneur has been long upset by such disparities in education, and plans on running for school board later in her life to accomplish her goals for the system. For now, I'll try my best to balance being a salesperson and education writer.

In other news...welcome the new salesperson

2006-05-20T04:36:00.000-07:00

As a I continue on my recently halted journey to become an entrepreneur, I find myself in a position I initially refused to be in: employment. I was halted from January to April due to my enrollment as an accounting student at a university, but now I'm free to pursue my goals, as I naturally should.

On Wednesday I went to orientation for a job as sales promotional specialist at a resort in Orlando, and will now be working business to business as such. I hope that with my charismatic personality I am able to secure a few successful sales, gain sales experience, and maybe, someday soon, start my own small business as a an Avon representative, or fulfill my teenage dream of starting and running my own cosmetics or skin care company. I've researched the market in depth when I was 16, and I'm well aware of it is a saturated market, but I need a market in which to begin and may head in a completely different direction once I'm in the midst of pursuing such an entrepreneurial goal.

Besides such entrepreneurial goals, I'm helping my father with his accounting firm in entering checks and reconciling, continuing my right-brained studies in science, and enjoying the company of my friends - which I've so rarely allowed myself to do.

The Driven Entrepreneur has not, nor will she ever, run out of energy to do what she loves. Though at times, it may be against the likes of society. Like the tireless scientists of the 19th century, as I am, pushing forth to publish my ideas about life and success. To have you all on this journey, is a blessing. I thank you and I thank God for keeping me undeterred from my desired path. To all those aspiring entrepreneurs reading this, please keep hope that you will succeed if you maintain your originality even in the face of adversity.

Society's gravitational forces

2006-05-20T04:05:00.000-07:00

Because gravity is the only scientific concept I'm wholly familiar with, I've chosen it to describe the issue I currently see as a problem for this Driven Entrepreneur. Though electronegativity may be another wise choice, then again, that would involve opposite charges attracting, and this involves the constant pull of society upon a good-doing individual to conform. I shall begin with a quote from Cathy Cobbs's Magick, Mayhem, and Mavericks.

"Those [who] initially promoted the kinetic theory of gas ran so far outside the herd that they encountered great difficulty in getting their ideas published" (Cobb, 137).

Here she is discussing the nineteenth century scientists, following Lavoisier, the man who codified chemistry, who used his theory of 33 elements and expounded on his ways to mathematically calculate chemicals and make chemistry into a logical separate area of science. This attempt was to deviate from Aristotle firm belief that all matter was composed of four elements: earth, fire, wind, and water.

As the 19th century scientists struggled in Europe to advance science as a calculable subject, I face adversity in trying to pursue a goal, which is often unexplainable due to its complexity and creative and artistic nature. I met an old middle school friend of mine yesterday, one whose home I used to visit some days after school since her apartment was only a few away from the campus. I'd seen her occasionally on religious holidays at my house of worship once a year, and planned to commence in a social outing, but never did, until yesterday. This frightfully intelligent girl completed the International Baccalaureate program and has completed her bachelors in biology 1 year before her peers. I do wish I had her mind to remember all such facts and ideas one must labor hours over to learn in a normal course of scientific study at a university, regardless, I don't, but I must admit I have other talents upon which I can build. I often fail to give credit to them.

Before I proceed, I must state the purpose for my writing in this "intellectual" (as her brother called me) language. Our culture has but a palty understanding for language, and I'm falling into its gravitiational pull. In our heads we may understand the great works of Jane Austen with clarity of comprehensible language, but can we speak with such accurate terms amongst our colleagues and peers? If so, I see it naught. Our daily verbiage sprinkled with "likes" and tinged with modesty is only a way to carry on a conversation as others would. Any non-English speaker might face years of hardship until he understood our cliches and phrasal verbs "It goes up" or "I was like, yeah, what's up with that?" Not only that, but our obsession with popular culture integrates inside jokes about late night talk show hosts and Britney Spears's second pregnancy.

As individuals , we are so well-educated and creative that we could live intelligently within a society of caring, education, and success but we're too often pulled in by societal norms that we remain trapped within mediocrity in our lifestyles, and language. I, the independent, ordinarily strong and unfazed individual amongst my friends and family, am even quite suseptible to such conventional language. At least I'm willing to distance myself from the ordinary and struggle daily to elevate myself to the extraordinary after every day. Only upon our own willpower and the support of others will we change for the betterment of ourselves, our lives, and our society.

The Struggle for Literacy

2006-05-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

I refuse to make this composition some droll story for a struggle for freedom or racial indiscrimination, since it is far from such injustices. As a writer, I must say this upfront before I proceed onward in my usual "mightier with the pen than thou" fashion of writing. Granted, there will be many instances of my trying to sound superior, but I assure you my readers and friends, that it is only for the purposes of satisfying my own ego. An ego that wishes to feel like one who is strong and skillful with a sword of a million words. Here then begins my story of a desire for splendid literacy.

My first significant memory of struggling with literacy was during my college psychology class, one I took as a dual enrollment student at the age of 17. To pass the tests I was to have read the entire chapter, or at least half of it, every time I entered the classroom in that Tuesday/Thursday class. The test was, no doubt, from the chapters and what he lectured about in class. Until that class I was almost never required to have read material for class. My high school teachers taught us everything we needed to know, and I only wrote my literary analyses for English class having read maybe a chapter or two of the book.

I was a child of the 90s. I lived in a room complete with Nintendo, a television, stereo, and MP3s. Due to my sensitivity to sounds and attention to the minutest drum roll or chain shake, or the way a soap opera actress's under circles were perfectly concealed under that foundation I was much more in tuned to all these bouts of excess stimuli than my textbooks. Needless to say, I struggled with reading and comprehending in my 3000-level literature classes when I entered the university.

I didn't shut myself off of music and television until I found that I could hardly read more than a few pages without my mind drifting, or having another song play in my head. American Literature was one of my greatest battles. Our University of Pennsylvania-educated professor spoke in such terms, which I could hardly understand and don't remember to this day. Her lectures were confusing, for one, her quizzes, I barely passed, and my poor writing skills, due to my poor reading skills earned me Cs on the essays she assigned. I could not analyze what point Harriet Tubman was trying to get across in her writings. I retain very little from that class now, because I didn't read most of the works. I remember only reading Benjamin Franklin's _The Way to Wealth_. I was quite interested in it, since I wanted to be industrious and frugal myself. But other works such as the Native American oral history, or Cotton Mather's philosophical works, I can't even remember.

I remember a little more about my American Literature II class, which I took the following semester, after a winter break plan to read as much as I could. After American Literature I, I could see my reading improve but I faced brain freeze. My hands rushed to my temples, and my eyes averted from the pages in mental overload. It was just too much work to try and read.

In American literature II I saw more progress, but I still struggled. The material was more contemporary (1800-1900s) and therefore writer in language easier to take in, dismantle, and re-capture in my mind. I remember The Awakening and The Goophered Grapevine as well as Mericans.

Ardent endeavors

2006-05-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

How does a young entrepreneur handle stress when everything feels as though it is riding on her next move? It's no easy position to be under, especially when goals are constantly changing and new opportunities are popping up from everywhere.

Lately this young entrepreneur has been quite busy. After the grueling spring semester ended on May 1st, I'd had plans to reach two major goals this summer, and nothing else. I left the playing field (the time I had available to me during the summer) open so that I would have other duties to fulfill while I was trying to reach my goals. Which, by the way, were to write my book on education and complete some self-study courses to add to my growing knowledge. The first two weeks of the break were slow to start, and I often found myself in a state of "brain apnea;" inability for my brain to concentrate on the task at hand. I fretted and agonized over the time I'd supposedly wasted, which was carved out specifially to ensure I had time enough to reach my goals before starting the fall semester as a graduate student in the taxation program - a goal slightly contrary to my own personal values.

On Thursday of last week my sister convinced me into going to the job fair at the university, which, I even dreaded returning to because of the horrid 6 weeks I'd spent praying to God and working hard to succeed. At this job fair I met lady who seemed interested in hiring me as a sales representative, and I agreed - calling and meeting businesses, and speaking to them in a professional, upper level manner, how could I not love it? On Tuesday I was hired, and this morning I attended an orientation. Marvelous, right? If only I desired a job this summer, which I did not, but I find that the structure is providiing some stability for my normally volatile mind. Entrepreneurs are constantly thinking and full or ideas, how could anyone possibly blame me?

On another note, I supposed I should find it perfectly reasonable that my mind fear this vast, open spread of time before me, and not know what to do in it. I've spend an entire semester allowing professors to tell me what it is that I should to do. To switch to another way of living, creating one's own organized environment in which to flourish, is not easy, though I've been trying hard to secure it.

Anyway, through these days of trying to find some structure to accomplish my goals, I found myself attending another interview for an entrepreneurship internship at the technology venture lab at the university. This was also on Tuesday. I enjoyed speaking with the lady whom I've spoken to before about my ebooks venture, but I found that I must be a degree-seeking student to be eligible for the internship, which I may or may not be in the fall. Nevertheless, I interviewed and will only have to wait to hear the results.

Now, if that was not enough, today I rearranged my goals to be less vague and more focused. So that I may have a finished project to show myself at the end of the summer. I completed a novel I started writingin 1998 on May 9th, and finally reaped the fruits of my own, personal, self-driven labors. I have a desire to see more of such fruits in the near future. Due to that, I've decided to condense my self-study courses down to science-related courses, because both history, math, and English will be included in such studies. Along with this, I will endeavor to find how I may run for school board, turn my education book more of a novel, and continue writing education-related articles for my education non-profit.

Now that all of this is written, how do I handle the stress of keeping this sales job, writing my second novel, writing articles for and developing the education nonprofit, and completing my self studies? As an INFJ, dreamer and do-er, it's always a battle.

Projects: Summer 2006

2006-05-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

Community Orientation

Work for projects within the community to establish a repertoire, experience new work environments and learn about my constituents.

Possible Organizations:

Hands On Orlando
Center For Peace
Junior Achievement

Writing a Book

Tentatively titled Struggle for Success. An personal, anecdotal and philosophical book about goals, life, and success.

Currently I'm gathering interesting anecdotes from my life to supplement my abstract and conceptual ideas about success and education.

Scheduled Times: At least once a week, and available time on weekends

Self-Study Courses

Including Chemistry, Religions, Calculus, Creative Writing, Astronomy, Russian History, European Literature.

Scheduled to attend four times a week from 8:45 am to 2pm.

Preparing for Consulting Business

The book is the number one project to initiate my ideas from success which stem from learning and education. Collecting anecdotes, studying people from a community perspective, engaging in dialogue will help me build consulting skills to achieve my goals as a future consultant.

Mental blocks preventing mobility toward our goals

2006-05-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Brain apnea is the name I attribute to this indescribable mental block I face often when I’m trying to singularly reach my goals. Until today, I found no way out of this devilish stronghold. I call it brain apnea because having worked a doctor’s office for three years, I recall an illness called sleep apnea. In this, a person stops breathing for some part of the night. My brain-block is named brain apnea because, many times, I feel the need to sleep when in fact I am wholly un-fatigued. Sometimes I carry on the day unable to think clearly.

Today, in Wishcraft, Barbara Sher explained to me that when we are adamantly pursing our goals we sometimes face a block which results in an overwhelming need to sleep, eat, or become bored with our goals. Creative endeavors usually cause this in any individual. But what is the true cause of these self-destructive behaviors? Fear. Fear to move forward, not knowing what we may come across, not knowing how to proceed, or what our character of customer will say to a new idea of ours. Writers, entrepreneurs, teachers, and anyone can feel this way.

I still have a doubt of that brain apnea persisting, but I now know that it’s only harmless fear. Something I can conquer, with the help of God and the resources He deals me.

For the past week I’ve been feeling this way because of reasons unknown. Since classes ended last Monday, this brain apnea has taken strong hold, making me immobile to write my book and pursue my intellectual and entrepreneurial endeavors. Why? Because I’m entering territory I’ve long not been in: summer vacation. An expanse of 3 months awaits me to do my bidding. Having been in classes ever since 2000, I’m greatly fearful of the time that I now have to pursue my carefully chosen goals. School pushes us along, that when we finally reach summer vacation, we’re unsure what to do. Now having broken out of that structure, I must provide my own structure. Something I’ve tried to do: get up at 5am, write for a few hours, get 3 pages completely written and then revise. Or get up at 7am, shower, change, and get into the car for a trip to a LEADs group meeting. Or awake, have coffee, sit down with The Cosmic Perspective (astronomy textbook) and read actively for hours, have lunch, write about what you’ve learned and how it can be applied. From the age of 8 I’ve always had something up my sleeve, some goal to pursue, some idea to explore, some adventure upon which to embark, and suddenly I’m sure of how to continue with my goals this summer? Preposterous. Benjamin Franklin was no fool when attempting a self-improvement plan at the age of 21. Once we reach adult hood we wonder how where all of our bad habits, inability to communicate, or work on our own, gather support from friends to make our marks came from.

In childhood we are flexible and adaptable to change because we change grades each other, then college threatens us with its forced one-track academic pace. Health science or engineering – choose your fate. For some people, choosing a career is blessing, for others, like me, it’s great, but don’t appreciate it. Nevertheless, we enter adulthood with some of the best and worst habits, we must learn according to our Guidance how well to use them, or change them.

Anyway, point is, when we’re trying to reach our goals we sometimes face a block I call brain apnea. I’m thankful to God for the explanation Barbara Sher put forth in her book Wishcraft.

That brain apnea is only fear. How do we conquer it?

Obtain information and instruction
Rehearse
Do it right, do it wrong, but do it.
Start badly

Need more tips? www.wishcraft.com (free e-book)

Three weeks of exams stifles my creativity

2006-05-01T01:32:00.000-07:00

After 6 hours of mindless fun at Islands of Adventure theme park I’m back to desiring a sound education (ps115) Exactly the way my desires should be! I’ve been holding my ears shut while walking back to the car from the conveyors of Universal Students to rid myself of the wretched sound music

Diagnosis (Dx):

I should not be surprised by three weeks of exams having punctured my right-brained mind. Though intelligent, we human beings are not perfect. We are likely to err or deter off a supposedly carefully chosen and laid-out plan.

Exactly one month ago I made my independent excursion to Valencia’s “Achieving the Dream” Community Conversation, where I, the only student who stood in front of an adult audience to voice “Like high school, the people they see most often are their instructors. Who best to evaluate and teach how to teach then the instructors?” It was followed by other examples and suggestions to improve the college atmosphere to serve the diverse crowd Valencia services: from single mothers to electricians desiring more education to a young 17-year-old high school. Even though I knew many of the ideas my educator peers suggested, I soon become bored of the ideas their put forth since many of them already exist within my philosophy and even book. Such well-meaning and intelligent people gathered there on April 1st, and I enjoyed their diverse company. I even had the pleasure of telling an alumni faculty member my quick transition from 15-year-old high school pupil to 16-year-old community college student.

A week later, I quickly approached 3 tests without halt or lull. What was I to do but begin studying rigorously? I’d already enjoyed a relatively comfortably paced schedule the entire semester. I expected nothing less than to have to make up for all the time I’d spent pursuing my true goals. This does in deed happen when one is trying to please the parents (by studying accounting) and still reach one’s own goals.

Needless to say my studying for three weeks straight (April 9th-April 27th) caused problems. As a creative, right-brained individual I’ve become accustomed to blocking out anything unnecessary to my goals in order to focus and complete whatever task is at hand. To force myself to close off my mind toward becoming a life coach and educational consultant is like asking Superman to fight in room with any kryptonite-incinegrating chemical - it drains my energy source. Salads and fruits have clearly topped my list of snacks and dinner items lately!

This carelessness for my human soul has led to obsessive patterns of weekend fun and exaggerated lengths of time indulging in the only thing I could trust: myself and my ambitions. All of which include reading books, personal self education courses, writing my own book about education, and other various mini projects. Tonight, I’ve started to unblock myself. These accounting classes are not worth the agony. I cannot lose my genuinely good, extraverted self for the sake of accounting. A science others would appreciate much more than I. I have my final final tomorrow (or rather, today, in 12 hours) but I will not lose myself in the process of studying. My own psyche is much more valuable to perseve than learn statistics backwards and forwards.

Before I sign off, I must attend to a reminder to myself: buy a quality make-up remover for daily use. I simply can’t keep going on and on my daily life without needing to change day and evening looks using my cleanser, it strips me of too much facial oil which can lead to future cracks and lines. No, no. I buy a safe make-up remover. // end of note to self //

PS: Don’t forget the writing boards requests your presence this summer. You have critiques due!

The accountants were predictable, my goals don't change

2006-04-22T23:19:00.000-07:00

I don’t personally like the accounting profession, or rather the people within it. I came home 15 minutes ago from an “end of the year” accounting banquet and entertained a group of audit professionals, including an educational administrator and engineer working with water technology. I don’t like the straight-forward thinking people, who have little to share but enjoyment amongst each other. All they have is money, and little drive to enact change. Accounting is a straight-forward profession, I don’t belong in its social circle. For the time being, I’d prefer to abstain. Students, like Jackie, were mingling with dull partners and professionals, whereas I’d rather not earn my feeling of accomplishment by “working a room” but talking business with innovative creative thinkers or educators. That is much more where I belong than with dry accountants. Understood. I enjoyed the energy of the bead-wearing and festive party goers at Universal Studios, last day of Mardi Gras tonight My sister and I went on the Jimmy Neutron ride while I admired seeing a barren planet transform into one full of technology and life close up. Making a way through the space way of the planet. Fascinating.

My goals don’t change, the accountants were predictable.

Complete Crowds for the sake of completion
Remain in PS115, work on making a project/program for right brained applied science curriculum, the object is to learn a wide breadth of knowledge and converse with education professionals
Take summer to complete my HS education, which will be rigorous…curriculum and learning activities tailored specifically to me

The INFJ's lack of pride

2006-03-27T06:49:00.000-08:00

From Whispering.org "[The INFJs] believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments."

The Driven Entrepreneur, particularly the INFJ, rarely takes time to revel in her accomplishments.

Last night I had a heart to heart IM conversation with an old friend of mine, as in we' ve been friends since childhood. She revealed to me issues she's never told anyone, and found some relief someone could understand her. This was when I realized, I do have merits which do not seem to translate into careers, but that which I can do very well, surprisingly. This morning I logged onto the internet to discovere the myriad of written motivational articles, blogs, and stories I've accumulated over the years and put into websites. They'll do no one any good unless I choose to make them known. Typical of INFJs, we don't revel in our accomplishments. INFJs, though are not only ones who demerist themselves.

Realization: We forget our accomplishments. I watched two 12-year-old girls at a party Saturday night be initially quiet, but when I brought up the topic of what one liked to do, she mentioned reading manga. Immediately, the other asked "You read manga? Do you know about..." she continued with some storyline and/or character she'd been reading about. Throughout the remainder of the party, they talked animatedly about their favorite topic. I watched awed, and then shortly thereafter spoke to her mother and mentioned her interest. Increduously, her mother said "Where's that going to get her?" and again I faced the truth that most parents do not appreciate their child's interests. Eventually, those children grow up to believe they cannot apply comics or any of their other interests to school, which is a huge deprivation for them. This is exactly what Barbara Sher, in her books about reaching one's dreams, speaks of (her books: Wishcraft, I Could Do Anything if I Only Knew What it Was).

Point: Don't forget your childhood interests and accomplishments, use them to relate to a career or hobby you'd like to pursue, since you are an original. No one can do what you do exactly the way you choose to accomplish it.

Writing time: 10 minutes